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Summary of Attached 

Short summary

In this superb and insightful summary, neuroscientist and psychiatrist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller explain the concept of “attachment theory,” a modern-day advanced relationship science that can help you find and keep love. This is the first-ever guide that reveals what science has to say about adult romantic relationships. This tidbit will explain the details on how to determine your attachment style and that of your partner or potential partner. It also wisely proffers advice on maintaining relationships, given your and your partner’s attachment style, and offers strategies and plans for building more fulfilling and healthier relationships. “Feeling close and complete with someone else — the emotional equivalent of finding a home.” ~ Amir Levine M.D.

Key points


All relationships are unique — one explanation won't describe them all

Every human being craves a sense of belonging, either toward family, friends, or a spouse. When humans become attached to someone, the influence of one on the other regulates their natural states. It influences each other's psychological and emotional well-being.
Humans need to form close bonds with others in order to feel secure and safe in life.
Relationship problems can be excruciating; they encompass the innermost core of people's lives. No one has a finite description that fits the bill as each case of relationship issues is unique and personal, coming from an endless number of possible root causes.

You may suffer from constant tension and emotional problems if your partner cannot meet your basic needs, which can have severe consequences on your emotional well-being, self-esteem, and even physical health. That's why it's essential to understand your attachment style and the attachment style of people close to you, especially your spouse.

Research has shown there are three main attachment styles or manners in which people see, understand, and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships. These findings are parallel to those found in children:
• Secure attachment style
• Anxious attachment style
• Avoidant attachment style

If you are someone with an anxious attachment style, you'll spend a lot of time worrying and thinking about whether your partner loves or cares for you. You will also be bothered about if they're spending enough time with you and what is going on in their mind when they don't call you back within a few minutes of missing your call.

The avoidant attachment style indicates that you value your independence and time alone more than your relationship. A secure attachment style fits between both styles. It is an ideal balance between caring enough and not worrying too much.

People with each of these attachment styles show lots of differences in:
• The way they see intimacy and togetherness.
• The way they deal with conflict.
• Their behavior towards sex.
• Their ability and means to communicate their wishes and needs.
• Their expectations and desires from their partner and the relationship.

In this summary, you will learn more about how you develop attachments to other people and how to enhance your relationships and become closer. After all, isn’t that what we all want?

Attachment styles are dictated by your upbringing

Your current attachment style is determined by how you were cared for as a baby. In other words, if your parents were sensitive, available, and responsive, you would have a secure attachment style. If your parents were inconsistent and inappropriately responsive, you would likely develop an anxious attachment style. If they were distant, rigid, uncaring, and unresponsive, you would probably display an avoidant attachment style.
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When you understand attachment, you’re able to connect more meaningfully with other people


Things to note before getting serious with a partner


Learn what suppresses your ability to attach to others in a meaningful way


Cultivate the secure attachment style to enjoy higher levels of satisfaction



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