Fear is a tricky beast. It'll have you second-guessing yourself, playing it safe, and missing out on opportunities that could change your whole game. But here's the thing — fear doesn't have to run your life. It’s entirely possible to learn how to overcome fear and manage it whenever it decides to pay a visit.
How? Don’t worry; I'm going to break down exactly how to kick feelings of fear to the curb and trust me, it's simpler than you think.
Now, before we dive in, I’m going to be honest with you. Overcoming fear isn't about becoming fearless. That's simply not possible, and last time I checked, we're all human here. It's about learning to dance with your fear, to use it as fuel instead of letting it paralyze you.
So, let's get into it.
Understand what you're dealing with
First things first, we need to understand what fear actually is. It's not about being a wimp, and you’re not the only person feeling that way. It’s something everyone experiences from time to time, and it’s actually your brain trying to keep you safe. However, when you allow fear to run your life, it can cause problems for your mental health, including anxiety disorders.
Back in the day, fear kept our ancestors alive. At that time, there were all manner of threats, including lions and wooly mammoths. So, whenever something came their way, their fight or flight response kicked in, sending a surge of adrenaline to give our ancestors exactly what they needed to either run away or fight whatever was threatening them. This is our fear response, and this mechanism still exists within us today. Ultimately, it’s always fear that triggers it, regardless of what is happening.
However, these days, our brains treat a job interview or asking someone out like it's a life-or-death feared situation. Spoiler alert: it's not. It’s simply that our brains haven’t quite caught up with modern living and what really constitutes a perceived threat.
In her book, 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway,' Susan Jeffers breaks it down like this: fear is natural. It will be there no matter what you do. The trick isn't getting rid of fear; it's about changing your relationship with it.
"Every time you encounter something that forces you to “handle it,” your self-esteem is raised considerably. You learn to trust that you will survive, no matter what happens. And in this way your fears are diminished immeasurably."
Call out your fear
What are you really afraid of? Is it failure? Rejection? Looking stupid?
Be specific, and write it down. Sometimes, just naming your fear takes away some of its power. It's like turning on the light and realizing that the monster in the closet is just a pile of laundry you've been avoiding. If you have a fear of public speaking, acknowledge it and know what you’re dealing with. Maybe you have an intense fear of social situations if you’re out on your own. Write it down.
Brené Brown talks about this in her book ‘Daring Greatly.’ She says vulnerability, such as actually admitting you're scared, is not weakness. That's courage, my friend.
"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness."
Reframe your fear
Now that you've called out your fear, it's time to flip the script. Instead of "What if I fail?" try "What if I succeed?". Instead of "I'm not ready," how about "I will learn as I go"?
Positive thinking is a powerful tool. It's about training your brain to see opportunities instead of threats. It's like upgrading your mental software and giving fear a real run for its money. When you reframe your fear of the unknown, it loses a lot of its power.
Gary John Bishop gives some eye-opening insights about this in "Unf*ck Yourself," where he discusses changing your self-talk to change your life. And let me tell you, it works.
"In simple terms, the language you use to describe your circumstances determines how you see, experience, and participate in them and dramatically affects how you deal with your life and confront problems both big and small."
Take baby steps
By facing your fear, I’m not talking about diving headfirst into your biggest fear. That's a recipe for a panic attack. Instead, it’s important to start small. First, identify the physical feelings of fear and dig to the heart of what is causing it. What type of fear is holding you back?
If public speaking terrifies you, start by speaking up more in meetings. If you're scared of heights, maybe start with the second floor of a building instead of skydiving. You could also look for support groups and surround yourself with people who are scared of the same things as you. That way, you’re building a support network and helping one another.
The key is to gradually expose yourself to what scares you. It's like building muscle. You don't go from couch potato to bench pressing 300 pounds overnight, but over time, you can.
Embrace the challenges
There’s something you need to know: at first, it will be tricky, and you’ll probably feel uncomfortable, awkward, maybe even a little nauseous. That's normal. That's your comfort zone stretching.
But here's the secret — on the other side of that discomfort? That's where the magic happens. That's where you grow. Understanding the symptoms of fear is the first step, but once you start to work through it, amazing things happen.
Elizabeth Gilbert talks about this in 'Big Magic.' She says fear and creativity always go hand in hand. The goal isn't to get rid of the fear, but to make space for it. To say, "Hey fear, I see you, but you're not driving this car."
"It seems to me that the less I fight my fear, the less it fights back. If I can relax, fear relaxes, too."
Celebrate your wins
Every time you face a fear, no matter how small, celebrate it. Did you make that phone call you've been putting off? Boom, victory dance. Did you try a new workout class even though you were scared of looking silly? High five, my friend.
These celebrations aren't just for show. They're rewiring your brain, teaching it that facing fears leads to good things. It's like giving your brain a treat every time it does something brave, and the more good you feel, the more likely you are to keep doing what creates that feeling.
Build your resilience muscle
Overcoming fear isn't a one-and-done deal. It's a practice. Like anything worth doing, it takes consistency.
Start building daily habits that make you more resilient. Maybe it's meditation to calm your mind. Maybe it's journaling to process your thoughts. Maybe it's exercise to burn off that nervous energy.
Find what works for you and stick with it. It's like brushing your teeth for your mind — do it every day, and you'll see the results.
Surround yourself with the right people
You know that saying, "You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with"? Well, it's true when it comes to fear, too.
Surround yourself with people who push you, who believe in you, who'll pick you up when you fall. And trust me, you will fall. But with the right crew, you'll get back up faster.
Use fear as fuel
Here's where we flip the script entirely. Instead of seeing fear as something to overcome, what if we use it as fuel?
That nervous energy before a big presentation? Channel it into preparation. That fear of failure when starting a business? Let it drive you to learn everything you can about your industry.
Fear can be rocket fuel if you know how to use it. It's all about perspective.
Keep it real
Last but not least, keep it real with yourself. Some days, you’ll feel like you can take on the world, facing your fears left and right. On other days, you might want to hide under the covers. Both are okay.
The goal isn't perfection; it's progress. It's about building a life where fear doesn't call the shots anymore.
Seek help if it gets too much
For some people, fear is a bigger problem, and in that case, reaching out for help is vital. Over time, too much fear can erode away at our mental health. When that happens, life is far from pleasant and can lead to dangerous situations.
The good news is that there is plenty of help at hand. Reach out to your healthcare provider and talk about how you feel. Remember, this is a sign of strength, not of weakness. Your doctor can help you manage anxiety levels and panic attacks with many different treatment options. One particular route is CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Exercises, breathing exercises, and exposure therapy are also useful options.
Your blood pressure doesn’t need to be always on the rise; those feelings of anxiety and negative thoughts can be conquered if you reach out to someone who can help you. And remember, sometimes just talking about how you feel can have amazing results.
Let Headway’s book summaries help you wave goodbye to fear
Now, I know we've covered a lot here. And if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, take a deep breath. Remember, this is a journey. You don't have to conquer all your fears overnight.
Start small. Pick one fear to work on. Use these strategies and see what happens. The truth is that the more you practice, the easier it gets, and always remember that it’s normal to experience fear from time to time.
And if you want to dive deeper, I've got just the thing for you. Head over to the Headway app, where you’ll find in-depth summaries of all the books I mentioned and more. We're talking about concentrated knowledge that can transform the way you deal with fear. In just 15 minutes, you can read or listen to a summary that will fill your mind with wonder and advice. Consider it your learning friend.
Remember, fear is just a feeling. It's not a fact, and it’s not your destiny. It's just your brain trying to keep you safe. But you know what? Sometimes, the safest thing you can do is take that leap.
So, what are you waiting for? Your fear-kicking journey starts now. No more letting fear run the show. It's time to take back control.
