Do you ever catch yourself replaying mistakes, doubting your worth, or questioning your abilities? It's common to feel like your harshest critic, but this severe inner voice can take a serious toll on your self-esteem. Self-esteem is the foundation of how you see yourself, interact with others, and face life's challenges. When it's strong, you feel more confident, resilient, and fulfilled. When it's low, it can trap you in cycles of insecurity and self-doubt.
Research shows self-esteem plays a key role in mental wellbeing, relationships, and success. For example, a study in 'Psychological Bulletin' found people with high self-confidence have healthier relationships, achieve personal goals, and handle stress better. On the other hand, low self-esteem is linked to anxiety, depression, and even a decline in well-being.
The good news? Self-esteem isn't fixed. You can build it over time with intentional strategies. Improving self-esteem isn't just about changing how you think — it's about creating harmony between your mind and body. Combining mindfulness, behavioral habits, and somatic tools can strengthen your self-worth and help you live more confidently.
This guide will walk you through proven strategies for boosting self-esteem, featuring insights from books like 'You Are a Badass' by Jen Sincero, 'The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem' by Nathaniel Branden, and 'Daring Greatly' by Brené Brown. For even more resources, check out our blog on how to build confidence for additional tips and inspiration.
What is self-esteem, and why does it matter?
Self-esteem is your overall sense of self-worth, shaped by your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Strong self-esteem allows you to trust yourself, navigate challenges, and bounce back from setbacks. When it's low, you're more likely to doubt your abilities, avoid risks, and struggle with negative thinking.
Low self-esteem isn't just an emotional issue — it affects every area of your life. It can lead to social withdrawal, difficulty setting boundaries, negative body image, and even physical health problems. Recognizing how self-esteem impacts your well-being is the first step toward building it back up.
Cognitive strategies to enhance self-esteem
The way you talk to yourself has a powerful impact on your self-esteem. Negative self-talk — like "I'm not good enough" or "I always mess things up" — keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. But by replacing these thoughts with positive affirmations while regulating your nervous system, you can begin to break free and build confidence.
Examples of affirmations:
"I am capable of overcoming challenges."
"I am worthy of love and respect, just as I am."
"It's okay to make mistakes. I learn and grow every day."
Jen Sincero, in 'You Are a Badass,' reminds us,
"Love yourself like you're the only you there is."
Start by picking one affirmation and repeating it each morning or writing it in your journal. Over time, this positive self-talk will reshape how you think about yourself, helping you replace doubt with self-compassion.
Challenge negative beliefs
Many negative beliefs you hold about yourself come from past experiences — like childhood criticism or setbacks in adulthood. These beliefs often go unchecked, but they aren't always accurate. Taking time to challenge them can help you rewrite the story you tell yourself.
Steps to reframe limiting beliefs:
Identify the belief: Write down a negative thought, like "I'm not smart enough to succeed."
Question it: Ask, "What evidence supports this belief? What evidence disproves it?"
Replace it: Turn it into something constructive, such as, "I may not know everything, but I can learn and improve."
In 'The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem,' Nathaniel Branden explains, "Living consciously means taking responsibility for examining our beliefs." Regularly challenging these thoughts can shift your mindset and rebuild your confidence.
Mindfulness and meditation
Mindfulness is a practice that helps you pause and observe your thoughts without judgment. It creates space for you to break free from patterns of self-criticism and stay present in the moment. By cultivating awareness, mindfulness strengthens your relationship with yourself and helps you approach life with greater self-acceptance.
Mindfulness practices to try:
Mindful breathing: Take slow, deep breaths and focus on the feeling of air moving in and out of your body. This activity will regulate your nervous system and reduce stress.
Self-Compassion: Learn to be kind to yourself, especially when you fail. Talk to yourself as you would to a dear friend. Mistakes are human. Self-compassion builds high self-esteem.
Gratitude journaling: Each night, write down three positive things you appreciate about yourself or your day.
Brené Brown, in 'Daring Greatly,' writes,
"Mindfulness allows us to be curious about our feelings and to accept ourselves, flaws and all."
Through mindfulness, you can build a strong foundation of self-compassion and self-worth. For additional mindfulness exercises, explore our self-esteem library.
Behavioral practices for building self-esteem
Intentional actions can help boost your confidence and reinforce your self-worth. These practices focus on celebrating small wins, doing things you love, and prioritizing self-care. Over time, such habits create a positive cycle that supports long-term growth.
Set achievable goals
Setting and achieving small goals is a simple yet powerful way to build self-esteem. Every time you succeed, it reminds you that you are capable and resilient.
Example of a SMART goal: Instead of saying, "I want to get healthier," set a specific and realistic goal, like "I'll be walking without distractions for 20 minutes three times a week this month."
As Anthony Robbins explains in 'Awaken the Giant Within,' "Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible." Starting with small milestones gives you the confidence to take on bigger challenges.
Engage in activities you enjoy
Spending time on hobbies or creative activities is great for your level of self-esteem because it connects you to your strengths and passions. These moments of joy also allow you to experience "flow"— a state of deep focus and enjoyment.
Examples of activities to try:
Painting, cooking, writing, or playing an instrument.
Gardening or spending time outdoors.
Joining a recreational sports team or taking a group class.
Trying new hobbies, even outside your comfort zone, can also grow your confidence. Whether rediscovering an old passion or learning something new, these activities remind you of your ability to grow and find joy.
Practice self-care
Self-care is an essential way to show yourself love and attention. When you prioritize your well-being, you reinforce the belief that you deserve care. Since your physical health and emotional well-being are connected, self-care helps build self-esteem on multiple levels.
Ideas for self-care routines:
Physical care: Exercise regularly, stay hydrated, and get enough sleep. You’ve probably heard all of the above millions of times — it's because these things work!
Emotional care: Journal your thoughts, practice gratitude, or talk to a trusted friend or family member.
Relaxation: Take breaks to recharge, whether through meditation, reading, or enjoying a favorite hobby.
You'll see how making time for self-care, even in small ways, can have a big impact on how you feel about yourself. For more ideas, visit our confidence library.
Healing self-esteem through a somatic, trauma-informed lens
Self-esteem isn't just about how you think or feel — it's also deeply connected to your body. Past experiences of stress or trauma can leave physical imprints that keep you stuck in cycles of fear and self-doubt. While traditional strategies like positive thinking are helpful, they might not fully address these challenges if you ignore the physical effects of trauma.
The role of the nervous system in self-esteem
Your nervous system controls how safe and connected you feel with yourself and others. If your nervous system gets stuck in "fight, flight, or freeze" mode due to chronic stress or trauma, it becomes much harder to feel confident, trust yourself, or manage emotions.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains in 'The Body Keeps the Score,'
"Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way the mind and brain manage perceptions… leaving individuals feeling unsafe in their own bodies."
This can cause feelings of disconnection, hypervigilance, or overwhelming shame, undermining self-esteem.
Somatic practices for releasing trauma
Including practices that fuel your body and nervous system with a sense of safety is essential to healing self-esteem from a trauma-informed perspective.
1. Grounding Exercises
Grounding techniques help you feel anchored in the present moment. When stress or anxiety takes over, grounding brings your focus back to your body:
Press your feet firmly into the ground and notice the sensations beneath them, like the texture or temperature of the floor.
Focus on physical details, like how your feet feel supported by the earth.
This simple practice tells your nervous system, "I am safe," and helps you reconnect with the here and now.
2. Body Awareness (Interoception)
Interoception is about tuning into your body and noticing what it's feeling. This practice makes you more aware of physical sensations, which can help you feel more present and regulated. It also allows you to release unnecessary tension, which you naturally accumulate through the day — simply by noticing it.
Try this simple body scan:
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.
Slowly shift your attention to each part of your body, starting with your toes and moving upward.
Notice areas of tension or comfort without judgment.
This exercise signals your nervous system that it's safe to relax, building a sense of calm and connection with your body.
3. Somatic Movement
Gentle movement can help release tension and stored stress energy in your body. It also recalibrates your nervous system and reduces overwhelm.
Examples of somatic movements:
Shake out your arms, legs, or hands to release built-up energy.
Stretch slowly, paying attention to how your muscles feel.
Try yoga or other slow, mindful movements, even a mindful walk.
These practices not only relieve physical stress but also help your mind feel lighter and more grounded.
The vagus nerve and self-esteem
The vagus nerve connects your brain to your body and plays a key role in managing stress and emotions. When this nerve is stimulated, it helps calm the fight-or-flight response, promoting a sense of safety and non-reactivity.
Try these simple vagus nerve exercises:
Humming or chanting: The vibrations from your voice stimulate the vagus nerve and soothe your nervous system.
Slow breathing: Breathe in for four counts, then exhale slowly for six. The longer exhale helps reduce stress and makes you feel more centered.
Regulate your nervous system with these techniques and create a solid foundation for building healthy self-esteem.
How somatic healing supports self-esteem
When your nervous system is regulated, you're better able to access positive emotions like self-compassion, trust, and resilience associated with healthy self-esteem. Somatic practices help release physical tension and emotional pain, making it easier to let go of negative beliefs and build confidence.
Healing self-esteem isn't just about changing your thoughts — it's about addressing how your body holds onto stress and fear. It is, in fact, the stress response that informs the feelings of self-doubt. Adding these practices to your routine can create a stronger sense of safety and self-worth in both your body and mind.
Lifestyle changes to support self-esteem growth
Certain lifestyle changes create an environment that supports long-term self-esteem improvement. These changes focus on relationships, boundaries, and reducing external stressors.
Build supportive relationships
The people you spend time with can significantly influence how you view yourself. Surrounding yourself with positive, encouraging individuals creates a supportive environment for your growth.
Tips for fostering supportive relationships:
Spend time with people who encourage and uplift you.
Practice gratitude by letting loved ones know you appreciate them.
Distance yourself from toxic or overly critical relationships.
As Brené Brown writes in 'Daring Greatly,'
"Connection is why we're here. It gives purpose and meaning to our lives."
Building a strong support system fosters confidence and belonging.
Limit social media consumption
Social media often amplifies comparisons and unrealistic expectations, which can harm self-esteem. Taking control of your social media habits can protect your mental health.
Strategies to limit social media use:
Take breaks by setting screen time limits or using apps to track your usage.
Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate or insecure.
Focus on following empowering, uplifting content.
Check out our self-help for women library for additional strategies to overcome societal pressures.
Seek professional help if needed
Therapy is a valuable tool for addressing deeper issues that impact self-esteem, such as unresolved trauma or chronic self-doubt or anxiety. A therapist can provide personalized strategies and a safe space for growth.
Types of therapy for self-esteem:
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helps reframe negative thought patterns.
Somatic therapy addresses the physical effects of trauma (including childhood neglect or abuse) and regulates the nervous system.
Group therapy builds connection and shared understanding.
Boost your self-esteem with Headway
Self-esteem is a skill you can build with intentional practice. You can transform your relationship with yourself by incorporating cognitive and somatic strategies like mindfulness and grounded affirmations, behavioral practices like goal-setting and self-care, and changes in daily life like building positive relationships.
As Nathaniel Branden writes in 'The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem,' "No one is coming to rescue you… You are your best hope." Every step you take, no matter how small, contributes to your journey toward confidence and self-worth.
Ready to take your journey further? Download the Headway app today to explore powerful books like 'You Are a Badass,' 'Awaken the Giant Within,' and 'Daring Greatly.' Access summaries, insights, and tools designed to help you build the self-esteem you deserve starting now!
