Why self-confidence matters
Confidence is a superpower that allows you to take chances, chase your dreams, and bounce back from failure. You don't have to be fearless to be confident — you just need to believe in your ability to navigate challenges. Instead of backing away, trust that you can make things happen and keep going, no matter what comes next.
If self-doubt, low self-esteem, or worries about what other people think are discouraging you, do not worry. Just about everyone battles such insecurities regularly. As Jen Sincero writes in ‘You Are a Badass’:
"You are responsible for what you say and do. You are not responsible for whether or not people freak out about it."
This psychological shift can help you release the necessity of impressing others and feel confident in your skin.
In this article, we’ll explore practical strategies — grounded in psychology and personal development — to help you overcome self-doubt and build unshakable self-confidence. These strategies are inspired by leading voices like Brené Brown (‘The Gifts of Imperfection’) and Tim Grover (‘Relentless’), designed to help you take practical steps toward personal growth.
Understanding self-confidence
Self-confidence is often mistaken for self-esteem, but they're not quite the same.
Self-Esteem: Your overall sense of worth.
Self-Confidence: Your belief in your abilities and decisions.
You might have stable self-esteem but still lack confidence in specific areas, such as public speaking or negotiating. Confidence is a skill that applies to different areas of life, and it's okay to struggle at first.
Brené Brown emphasizes that authentic confidence isn't about perfection; it's about embracing vulnerability and being willing to grow:
"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do… Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen."
Building self-confidence requires self-compassion, resilience, and a willingness to learn from mistakes.
The benefits of building self-confidence
There are a multitude of benefits to being confident. Here are a few areas of life that confidence can transform:
Relationships: Confident people set healthy boundaries and attract connections built on respect.
Career: Self-confidence opens doors, helping you advocate for yourself, take on leadership roles, or negotiate appropriate compensation.
Mental Health: Confidence reduces anxiety and helps you stay grounded during stressful situations.
Confidence has many faces, and for you, it might mean relentlessness. As Tim Grover says in ‘Relentless’:
"Being relentless means demanding more of yourself than anyone else could ever demand of you."
When you build confidence, you start showing up for yourself in ways that create lasting change.
Practical strategies to build self-confidence
Confidence is not just a mindset; it's a habit. Implementing small, intentional steps can help you gradually strengthen your belief in yourself. Let's explore some practical strategies.
1. Positive self-talk: rewriting your mental script
Your inner dialogue is a powerful mechanism. Negative self-talk feeds self-doubt, while adopting positive affirmations can help rewire your brain for success. How exactly does it work? Try following a few steps to reframe negative thoughts:
Notice: Pay attention to your thoughts when self-doubt arises.
Challenge: Ask yourself, "Is this thought based on reality or fear?"
Replace: Shift to a supportive affirmation like, "I am capable and growing daily."
"Our thoughts become our reality, so if we want to live an awesome life, we need to take control of our thoughts." – Jen Sincero
Positive self-talk may initially feel awkward, but it can become second nature with practice. Watch your body as you practice it — your embodiment must support your words. Confidence works best when implemented on numerous levels!
2. Setting and achieving SMART goals
Confidence thrives on accomplishment. Are you familiar with SMART goals? Setting specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals gives you a more straightforward path and contributes to a sense of agency in your life.
Example:
Specific: "I will meditate for 5 minutes every morning."
Measurable: Set a timer daily.
Achievable: Start with a manageable goal that fits your schedule.
Relevant: Ensure it aligns with your long-term ambitions.
Time-bound: Set a 30-day timeline to stay accountable.
Each success, no matter how small, reinforces your belief in your abilities and reduces your fear of making mistakes. Try a SMART goal for something you've wanted to do for a while now, make it bite-size, and watch a bigger shift come your way!
3. Facing fears and embracing challenges
You've probably heard this often — actual growth happens outside your comfort zone. Many people use 'rejection experiments' to build confidence — have you tried it? You can start with small challenges, facing them one step at a time. By doing this, you train yourself to handle rejection and setbacks more easily. You also build stamina and eventually become less fearful. The truth is, avoiding fears may offer temporary relief, but ultimately, it only undermines your confidence.
Take small steps:
Speak up in a meeting where you tend to keep quiet
Try a new skill, and let yourself be bad at it
Initiate that difficult conversation
"The greats never stop learning. Instinct and talent without technique just makes you reckless." – Tim Grover
When failure happens (because it will), reframe it as a learning experience. Each attempt makes you stronger and more resilient. Paradoxically, each failure moves you one step closer to confidence.
4. Boosting confidence in social situations
Social anxiety is real, and navigating social situations can be challenging, especially if you lack confidence. It's important to understand that confidence isn't about being the loudest in the room; it's about self-awareness and carrying yourself with assurance and integrity.
You've probably heard the phrase 'fake it till you make it.' But what does that really mean when it comes to embodiment? Are you truly faking it, or are you training your brain to recognize that you're safe in social situations? For instance, you can feel your feet on the ground, relax your shoulders, and notice your breath. It's called "centering". Here are a few more body language tips to signal outwardly (to your environment) your confidence:
Make soft eye contact
Maintain an open posture
Offer a firm handshake
If you feel anxious, set small goals, like a short conversation with a colleague or attending a networking event for just 30 minutes. Each small step builds momentum.
5. Regulating your nervous system for confidence
Confidence isn't just about mindset — it's also rooted in your body's capacity to feel safe and regulated. Let's talk more about the concept of safety. Your nervous system is constantly analyzing your environment for perceived threats. When none are detected, your nervous system is regulated and "online." In this state, you can access creativity and quickly respond to challenges. Your nervous system is unique, but here are a few techniques you can try:
Grounding techniques: Feel your feet on the floor and take deep, slow breaths.
Gentle movement: Stretching or free-flowing dancing helps release tension.
Somatic Self-Touch: Place a hand on your chest or belly and breathe into the sensation to restore a sense of calm presence.
Embodiment practices help you connect with your body's wisdom, building deeper self-trust, which is the foundation of authentic confidence.
6. Visualization and mental rehearsal
Visualization can be a powerful confidence-building tool. By imagining success, you prepare your mind to handle challenges with ease. Don't overshoot — picture something that truly resonates with you and feels plausible.
How to visualize:
Close your eyes and picture yourself succeeding — whatever that means in the context of your life.
Imagine how it feels to be calm, capable, and confident.
Repeat this exercise daily for lasting results.
"Do. The. Work. Every day, you have to do something you don't want to do. Every day. Challenge yourself to be uncomfortable, push past the apathy and laziness and fear." – Tim Grover
Make sure that your visualization feels good in your body and doesn't cause a stress response. This means your vision is within your nervous system's capacity. Make this your aim and practice expanding it over time, both in your mind's eye and real life.
7. Prioritizing self-care and presentation
How you treat yourself matters: you can't practice self-abandonment and self-confidence all at once, can you? Prioritizing self-care boosts your energy and self-image, helping you show up as your best self.
Vital self-care essentials have always been and will always be sleep, nutrition, and exercise. Regular physical activity combined with proper rest improves mood and reduces anxiety. Now, when it comes to presentation, your authenticity matters most. Wear clothes that make you feel empowered and reflect your true self.
Overcoming common barriers to your confidence
Despite the purest intentions, obstacles like perfectionism, fear of judgment, and past failures can undermine your confidence.
Perfectionism: Aim for progress, not perfection. If this is a real struggle, consider seeking counseling help to examine its roots.
Fear of judgment: Most people are too focused on their own worries to judge you harshly. Yet, if you are experiencing a paralyzing fear, you should look closely at it in therapy.
Past failures: Every setback is a step toward growth. No past failure should debilitate your future growth.
How social media impacts self-worth and mental well-being
Social media can be a powerful tool and a significant trigger for confidence. Comparing yourself to curated images online can lead to feelings of inadequacy — which makes sense! After all, the people in those images do not even look like that in real life.
Protect your mental well-being:
Limit screen time to 30 minutes per day.
Focus on positive uses of social media, such as connecting with family or engaging with uplifting content.
Unsubscribe from the accounts that induce anxiety and self-doubt.
Self-assessment: how confident are you?
Reflect on these questions to assess your current confidence level:
How often do you speak kindly to yourself?
Do you set realistic goals and celebrate small wins?
How often do you consider stepping out of your comfort zone?
How well do you care for your physical and emotional health?
Do you view failure as a learning opportunity?
Score Yourself (1 = Rarely, 5 = Always):
Under 15: Focus on improving self-care and self-talk.
15–25: You're building a solid foundation. Keep going!
Confidence is a journey
Your confidence journey isn't about reaching a final destination — it's a continuous process of self-discovery, resilience, and growth. Some days will feel effortless, while others will test your patience. The key is to keep showing up for yourself, even when progress feels slow or invisible. As Tim Grover says in ‘Relentless’:
"There's no off switch for excellence."
And that applies to confidence, too. It's not something you either have or don't — it's something you cultivate with every small act of courage, every choice to believe in yourself, and every moment you refuse to let self-doubt win.
"You are perfect. To think anything less is as pointless as a river thinking it's got too many curves or that it moves too slowly or swiftly. Says who? You're on a journey with no defined beginning, middle, or end. There are no wrong twists and turns. There is just being." – Jen Sincero
So start today. Choose one strategy, put it into practice, and trust the process. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory.
Want to dive deeper? Unlock key insights from ‘You Are a Badass,’ ‘The Gifts of Imperfection,’ and ‘Relentless’ in the Headway app and take your confidence-building journey to the next level.
