summary ofModern RomanceBook by Aziz Ansari, Eric Klinenberg, PhD

first KEY POINT

Different relationships for different generations

Our grandparents’ generation married when they were twenty years old. They lived together for 60 years, raised three children, rarely quarreled, and loved each other until death. How did they do it? And why is it so difficult for our generation to find a soulmate and carry love through life?We constantly search, communicate, fall in love, quarrel, and part to start all over again. Raised on the stories of our grandparents about love from school and the only person for life, we tend to believe in the existence of fate and expect to meet that very person. But often, people suddenly find themselves thirty-five and lonely. We “should” have already married, started families, had children, and lived happily ever after. What's wrong with us?The institution of marriage has changed over the last century. Today, we remain in the dating and relationships stage for many years. Our grandparents did not have this stage: they almost immediately moved from acquaintance to marriage. They didn't have to share common interests or personalities. Over their years of marriage, they learned to adjust to each other and avoid conflicts. For them, divorce was not an option. Unlike previous generations, today, we clearly understand that if our marriage has outlived its usefulness, we can always get a divorce. And we usually do so. Because we have an infinite number of options with whom we could share life. We are more demanding of our partners, more selective, and less tolerant because we know we can try everything again with another person. We could meet them on the Internet. They could be of any race, nationality, sex, gender, status, age, or profession.