summary ofLove SenseBook by Dr. Sue Johnson

first KEY POINT

Until recently, love was either not necessary, or a mystery

People have always wondered what love was.Today, the most popular opinion is that love is a mystery. No wonder. How else can we describe a state that is messy, overwhelming, and euphoric at the same time? Evolutionary biologists, on the contrary, believe that love is just foreplay to reproduction. According to them, people mate to procreate, and the rest is history. However, the Ancient Greeks equated romantic love, or “eros,” to sexual desire. So, who got it right?Nobody did. Modern psychology says that love is an intimate relationship between two adults who have a solid emotional connection. “Emotional” is the keyword here. There is no denying that sex and parenthood are essential for couples. But to survive, we need secure emotional bonds.

We are born helpless. Before we can take care of ourselves, we need constant supervision and support, which requires a lot of time and effort. Then why do our parents do that? Because their brains are programmed to have a deep emotional connection to their kids. Soon enough, babies get used to the idea that they need to depend on other people to stay alive. They start to respond to love, and for them, being held and protected is the most natural thing in the world. Unfortunately, that changes when we grow older.We are encouraged to value independence in Western cultures and underestimate meaningful relationships. We have humanoid robots instead of partners, pornography instead of sensual sex, and Facetime instead of actual dates. In the United States, people live alone more than ever. At least 25% of Americans take drugs for anxiety and depression, and this percentage is not coincidental; it is the consequence of emotional detachment that is happening on a massive scale.

When we were kids, our parents provided us with a haven. They loved us and came to our rescue whenever we needed them to. When we become adults, we also need to be cherished and cared for. The only thing that changes is that we can no longer rely solely on our parents. They grow older and begin to require our support. That is when our partners step in. Because in the modern world, where people become more and more disconnected from one another, having a meaningful romantic relationship might be the only way to be truly happy.