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Not Nice

summary ofNot NiceBook by Dr. Aziz Gazipura

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You’ll learn

  • What being "nice" means
  • About the power of saying "no"
  • Ways to establish boundaries
  • How to stop hiding your true self

first KEY POINT

The hidden cost of being nice

A colleague asks, "Can you take this on?" You already have too much work, but the answer comes out before you have really decided: "Of course." We all have been in situations like this. No argument. No awkward silence. The conversation stays pleasant.But later, we are working late because of a commitment we never wanted, wondering why saying one simple sentence felt harder than adding another hour to our day.

Nice stops being harmless when it starts costing you yourself.

The interesting part isn't the favor itself, but the split between what someone wants to say and what they actually say. That gap can show up in work, friendships, family, dating, and dozens of small choices that seem harmless on their own.Not Nice starts from that tension. What happens when being liked becomes more important than being honest? And what changes when someone begins to act from what they actually think, want, and value instead?

second KEY POINT

Stop editing yourself

Gazipura uses "nice" in a very specific way. He isn't talking about kindness, generosity, or basic respect. He means the habit of shaping yourself around other people's reactions: agreeing when you disagree, saying "yes" when you want to say "no," softening every opinion, and hiding irritation so nobody feels uncomfortable.That habit often starts early. Many people learn that being good means being easy to deal with: don't argue, don't upset anyone, don't make a scene. Over time, those rules can become automatic. The problem isn't politeness itself. It's losing the sense that politeness is a choice.That is what Gazipura means by becoming "not nice." It doesn't mean becoming rude, blunt, or selfish. It means becoming more deliberate. You can help because you want to help, not because you are afraid to refuse. And you can care about someone's feelings without handing them control over every decision you make.

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first KEY POINT

Separate guilt from wrongdoing

second KEY POINT

Make the boundary yours

third KEY POINT

Listen to what you suppress

fourth KEY POINT

Make room for the real you

fifth KEY POINT

Conclusion

About the author

Dr. Aziz Gazipura is a clinical psychologist and a graduate of Stanford and Palo Alto University. A former shy, people-pleasing perfectionist, he founded the Center for Social Confidence to help others unlearn those habits.

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Frequently asked questions

What is Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself about?

'Not Nice' by Dr. Aziz Gazipura addresses the challenges of people-pleasing and the guilt associated with asserting oneself. The book empowers readers to cultivate confidence, speak their truth, and embrace their authentic selves.

What are the key takeaways from Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself?

Key takeaways from 'Not Nice' include recognizing the cost of people-pleasing, strategies for setting boundaries, and techniques for building assertiveness. Dr. Gazipura emphasizes the importance of prioritizing self-respect and the value of saying 'no' when necessary.

Is Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself worth reading?

Yes, 'Not Nice' is worth reading for anyone struggling with self-assertion and the fear of disapproval. Dr. Gazipura offers practical advice and relatable anecdotes, making it a valuable resource for personal growth.

How many pages is Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself and when was it published?

'Not Nice' is 272 pages long and was published on March 1, 2019. This comprehensive guide tackles essential skills for navigating social pressures and enhancing personal freedom.

Who is the author of Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself?

The author of 'Not Nice' is Dr. Aziz Gazipura, a clinical psychologist and expert in social anxiety and assertiveness training. His work focuses on helping individuals overcome limitations and live more fulfilling lives.