It’s OK That You’re Not OK Summary

Summary of It’s OK That You’re Not OK Book by Megan Devine

Name: It’s OK That You’re Not OK
Rating: 4.7 (9076 reviews)
Author: Megan Devine

4.7 . 9076 reviews

Short summary

Human life is both personal and collective. On the one hand, each person’s life is unique, and on the other hand, we are connected to others in ways that mean we sometimes have to deal with the painful loss of these connections. Megan Devine is a psychotherapist and a grief advocate that helps people find the courage to deal with grief. She debunks cultural myths surrounding grief, offers guidance that helps grieving people deal with their pain in a healthy way, and throws out the timetables that have been created for responding to loss. Her professional training and personal experience with loss make her capable of providing deep insights into what grief feels like and how to respond to it. “Real safety is in entering each other’s pain, [and] recognizing ourselves inside it.” ~ Megan Devine

14 min

7 key points

7 insights

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Table of content

Summary of It’s OK That You’re Not OK
About the author
What is It’s OK That You’re Not OK about?
Who should read It’s OK That You’re Not OK
Topics in It’s OK That You’re Not OK

first key point

The experience of loss and grief is a testimony to the bond of love and friendship that we have enjoyed in life

Listen the first key point

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There’s no quick fix to the pain that comes from losing a loved one. What we can do is learn how to tend to it. Dealing with loss supplies us with a special type of wisdom that can only be gained through experiencing grief. If we can learn to surmount the societal aversion for feelings, we will acquire the much-needed wisdom that comes from experiencing love and loss.

Our society teaches us to put a bandaid on the grief we feel from loss, but we need to let it train us to become better. Megan Devine, a psychotherapist with a decade of practice under her belt, learned this lesson from the sudden loss of her husband. Despite being a professional therapist, she found that helping those who suffer from the loss of a loved one is entirely different from experiencing it yourself. She discovered that the conventional approaches to grief are faulty and decided to share the lessons from her loss.

Since loss is inextricably linked to love, we need to learn how to use it to design a life that deals meaningfully with the grief we bear.

Megan Devine’s husband drowned in 2009, three days before his 40th birthday. This event led her to discover the failure of her profession in dealing with loss. She found that the rest of the world dismisses, judges, and misunderstands grieving people. And they do it inadvertently. Megan Devine has been able to fashion out an effective way of interacting with grief and supporting one another as we grapple with it.

In this summary, you will discover how to rehumanize grief to see it as an integral part of life. Then you’ll discover the skills needed to make good use of the change that loss brings.

With a combination of my clinical skills and my own experience, I learned the difference between solving pain and tending to pain. ~ Megan Devine

Grief is not a disease that requires treatment. So we need to learn the skills and have the compassion necessary to navigate this experience. It all begins with understanding the true nature of grief and enabling us to love better when in pain.

second key point

Companionship, not correction, is what a person experiencing grief needs

Our culture is always trying to solve grief as if it were a problem. Words sent to comfort grieving persons appear to either deny or diminish the sense of loss. Thus, you’re driven into greater depths of loneliness.

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third key point

People who seek to comfort a grieving person use words that do the opposite of their intention

fourth key point

Our culture’s grief illiteracy makes the already painful period worse

fifth key point

Bearing witness to your grief is the middle ground between being eternally broken and completely healed

sixth key point

Acknowledgment of the loss is a powerful tool that helps you deal with the new reality

seventh key point

Conclusion

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What is It’s OK That You’re Not OK about?

In this insightful book, Megan Devine explores the often overlooked topic of grief and loss in a society that struggles to comprehend it. With compassion and understanding, she guides readers through the complex emotions and challenges that come with experiencing loss, offering practical advice and tools for navigating the grieving process. Devine's powerful message reassures readers that it's okay to not be okay, providing solace and support in a culture that often fails to acknowledge the depth of grief.

Who should read It’s OK That You’re Not OK

Individuals struggling with grief and loss seeking solace and understanding.
Mental health professionals looking to enhance their knowledge on grief.
Those wanting to support grieving loved ones in a more empathetic way.

Topics in It’s OK That You’re Not OK

Grief Self-Help Mental Health Healing Psychology Emotions Self-Care Personal Development Trauma Resilience Death Self-Love

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