summary ofEmotional First AidBook by Guy Winch, PhD

first KEY POINT

Rejection is a familiar feeling for most, but it cuts deeper, both mentally and physically

Rejection is the feeling of being inadequate and unwanted. It is a frequently experienced feeling in our lives as we grow up. We encounter rejection with job interviews, play dates, puppy crushes, and not getting picked to play sports. And it gets worse as we grow older. We get to face a whole array of rejection as we interact with a much larger pool of people.

Rejection has a great emotional effect on the recipient, eliciting such pain that it causes anger, clouds their judgment, erodes their sense of belonging, and reduces their self-esteem.Rejection creates four distinct psychological wounds:Emotional pain. Often it is emotional but manifests as physical pain. Studies have shown that the parts of the brain that register the physical and emotional pain of rejection are the same. Pain dampens logic and reduces the ability to make rational decisions.Anger and aggression. Rejection incites these emotions, both of which will cause us to lash out at those who have rejected us. Even the sweetest people will exhibit this upon rejection.Loss of self-esteem. Rejection can damage self-esteem significantly and make the recipient feel unworthy of human connection or love. This translates into a drop in confidence and will go a long way to affect the work ethic and performance of the individual.A lack of sense of belonging. The pain caused by rejection finds root in our need to belong to a group, a person, an idea, or a philosophy. Once we are rejected, we lose our sense of belonging, which translates into the pain we feel.To treat rejection and the pain it causes, we must create counter-arguments for the pain we feel. Instead of concluding we are the problem, we must rationalize that the reason for the rejection might be something we had no control over and move on, whether in a relationship, work, social gathering, or otherwise.