Have you ever wondered, "Can I be truly happy alone?" If so, welcome to the club. Many of us struggle with loneliness.
According to a recent Gallup survey, 20% of U.S. adults experience daily feelings of loneliness, marking the highest rate in 2024 — an increase from the previous year, showing a growing trend.
"I am the lonely guy," the famous Hollywood star Keanu Reeves said plainly in an interview with Jakarta Post. Despite his solitude, Reeves' career has achieved $4 billion in blockbuster earnings worldwide.
Many believe that the famous TV talk show host Oprah Winfrey enjoys being constantly surrounded by others. However, her greatest moments of clarity come from times of solitude, as she shares in her book 'What I Know for Sure.'
What about your experience with solitude? What stops you from turning solitude into a secret force in your life?
Seven steps to learn to be happy alone
Imagine solitude not as isolation but as a powerful tool for self-discovery, reflection, and inner growth. In the steps that follow, you'll find inspiration from thought leaders Lane Moore (‘How To Be Alone’), Kamal Ravikant ('Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It' ), and Brené Brown ('Daring Greatly'), each offering insights on how to thrive alone.
These steps are more than just practical advice — they’re a guide to tapping into solitude as a source of strength, creativity, and resilience. Embrace this time for yourself, learn to love your own company, and transform solitude into one of the most empowering forces in your life.
1. Reframe solitude
Famous comedian and musician Lane Moore dealt with loneliness and the lack of meaningful relationships throughout her life. In her book 'How To Be Alone,' she suggests reframing solitude as more than just being physically apart from others.
Moore encourages making solitude a tool for your self-growth and discovery. When alone, you can explore your hobbies, passions, and true self without worrying about other people's opinions.
Consider the world-famous author of 'Harry Potter.' In her blog, J.K. Rowling shares:
"My writing room is probably my favorite place in the world. It's in the garden, about a minute's walk from the house. [...] The radio is usually tuned to classical music, because I find human voices the most distracting when I'm working."
J.K. Rowling also describes the paradox of "being alone in a crowd" as:
"A background buzz, as in a café, is always comforting. I used to love writing in cafés and gave it up reluctantly, but part of the point of being alone in a crowd was being happily anonymous and free to people-watch."
Following J.K. Rowling's insight, examine how you view being alone. Instead of seeing solitude as isolation, consider it a time to focus on your passions. Use it to set priorities, clarify personal goals, pursue what inspires you, or learn something new. Look at solitude as an opportunity.
2. Cultivate self-love and acceptance
This "cultivation" step was inspired by Kamal Ravikant's 'Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.' He emphasizes that happiness starts with self-love.
When you learn to love yourself, you no longer rely on others for validation or happiness. Ravikant encourages readers to practice self-love daily through affirmations, meditation, and self-compassion.
This author knows what he is talking about, being a testament to the transforming power of self-love. After a period of depression, he began a daily practice of simply repeating the affirmation "I love myself." Over time, this practice helped him build confidence.
You can cultivate self-love in two simple ways:
Start your day with a positive affirmation like "I love myself" or "I am enough."
Write down three things you love about yourself every morning. Journaling, when done consistently, can add to building confidence and emotional strength.
3. Create a fulfilling daily routine
Brené Brown's 'Daring Greatly' highlights the importance of building structure in your life. She explains that having a daily routine can help combat loneliness by giving you a sense of purpose and accomplishment.
Consider Benjamin Franklin, for example. Besides being known for his image on the US $100 bill, this Founding Father invented the lightning rod, bifocal lenses, and the Franklin stove. Here are two more interesting facts about him:
According to 'The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin,' from 5 a.m. to 7 a.m., he followed a personal routine, including planning and breakfast. Big Think adds, his work schedule included a focused morning block from 8 a.m. to 11 a.m., followed by a break, and a second work session from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m., designed to maintain productivity and balance throughout the day.
He began each morning by asking himself, "What good shall I do this day?" to set a purposeful tone, and each evening, he reflected with the question, "What good have I done today?"
Build a fulfilling routine
This strategy might sound easy to declare but be difficult to practice. Start by setting small, achievable goals each day to help you stay focused and give your day purpose.
Change will not happen without consistency. Your commitment to achieving the goals you set in the morning will help you feel more in control of your time throughout the day and get you out of the loop of "loneliness."
4. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is another powerful tool mentioned in 'Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.' Being mindful means "staying present" and fully aware of your thoughts and emotions. Practicing mindfulness puts you more in tune with yourself, and you can experience the present moment without worrying about the past or future.
As the legendary co-founder of Apple, Steve Jobs was a big advocate of mindfulness. Meditation was a part of his daily routine, especially in the morning. Steve's pursuit of "staying present" shaped his ability to focus and formed his renowned minimalistic approach.
Include a simple mindfulness practice in your daily life. Spend five minutes each morning focusing on your breath and letting go of any worries.
5. Practice meditation
Life can get so busy that it leaves little room for processing thoughts that circulate in your mind, often increasing anxiety. Setting aside time for self-reflection can help you free yourself from unnecessary negative thoughts.
You might combine meditation with mindfulness and gratitude during your prayer time, a quiet moment, a solo walk, or any dedicated time you create to tune into your mind.
6. Practice gratitude
Keep a "gratitude journal" to list three things you're thankful for each day. As you practice gratitude, you improve your mental health in the simplest way. Focusing on your positive side in your alone time allows your body to produce endorphins naturally.
Endorphins are the hormones of happiness that alleviate pain, lower stress, improve mood and enhance your sense of well-being. So, practice gratitude to shift your mindset toward the positive. Even if you live alone, appreciate the positive in your life to build a sense of wellness.
7. Handle social pressure and expectations
Society often tells us we need relationships or constant social interaction to be happy. However, Lane Moore challenges this belief in 'How To Be Alone’ by encouraging her readers to embrace their solitude with confidence. She explains that happiness doesn't come from following society's expectations but from living authentically and staying true to yourself.
Famous singer and songwriter Taylor Swift is a great example of someone who has confidently handled intense social pressure. In 2016, at age 27, she faced widespread scrutiny during a public feud with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. This conflict led to significant backlash on social media, where the hashtag #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty went viral.
This experience of "cancellation" left Taylor Swift feeling isolated, and she withdrew from the public eye, spending much of her time alone. However, instead of allowing the negativity to control her narrative, she used this solitude to process her emotions and reflect on her identity, which she channeled into her 2017 album, Reputation.
When you feel pressured by societal norms or expectations, reinforce your self-confidence by:
Reminding yourself that your happiness is unique to you.
Focusing on what brings you joy and fulfillment rather than what others expect.
Surrounding yourself with supportive people who respect your choices.
Finally, don't forget to set aside time for yourself.
Five ideas of how to increase your happiness alone
Have you ever noticed that some people complain about "the lack of time" for their loved ones, family members, or even pets? Paradoxically, busyness can be their comfort zone, which is difficult to leave.
Under external pressures and being among people all the time, many seem to neglect self-care. In such a case, why not view solitude as an opportunity?
Become your own best friend and use time alone for personal growth. Here is a brief list of perks you can use when embracing solitude:
Discover a new hobby.
Learn a new language.
Develop a new skill.
Improve your physical health; engage more in physical activity.
Read good books.
What famous people say about loneliness: Five citations
"I restore myself when I'm alone," legendary actress, model, and "icon" Marilyn Monroe said. She added:
"It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone — so far."
Popular writer, philosopher, naturalist, and transcendentalist Henry David Thoreau once said,
"I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."
Theologian, philosopher, existentialist, and scholar Paul Tillich (author of 'The Courage to Be,' 1952) said,
"Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone."
American novelist, playwright, modernist, and chronicler of American life Thomas Wolfe (author of 'Look Homeward, Angel,' 1929) noted,
"Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man."
"Life could be wonderful if people would leave you alone," Charlie Chaplin admitted.
Embrace your journey towards solitude and happiness
Learning how to be happy alone is one of the most empowering skills you can develop. You can find contentment on your own terms by reframing solitude as an opportunity, practicing self-love, building a fulfilling routine, embracing mindfulness, and handling social pressure.
The path to happiness doesn't require constant company — it requires understanding and appreciating yourself.
Learn more about happiness from spot-on Headway summaries
If you're ready to dive deeper, explore the summaries of these recommended books:
'How to Be Alone' by Lane Moore
'Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It' by Kamal Ravikant
'Daring Greatly' by Brené Brown on the Headway app
These works are filled with important insights to guide you toward living a more fulfilling, happy life.
Learn more about the power of solitude with the Headway app
Download the Headway app to start your journey and unlock the power of solitude for yourself.
For more on self-love, self-esteem, and happiness, check out these rich topics on Headway:
To use the Headway app most efficiently for self-improvement, start with identifying the topic you want to explore, such as self-growth or productivity. Then, browse the app's curated library to review summaries of top books in your interest area.
Headway also offers audio summaries, ideal for saving time or learning on the go. Once you find a book’s summary that resonates, dig deeper by reading or listening to the key takeaways, with insights and strategies to support personal growth at your own pace.
