Has your sex life gotten a little rusty? Do you want to build an intimate emotional connection and better sex life with your spouse after years of marriage? Then, this summary is for you — and your spouse. Dr. Kevin Leman comes with formulas that can turn boring sex or even good sex into an unimaginably fun sexual experience. “Have a New Sex Life by Friday” is a couples’ guide to boost their libido. A little attention and investment towards these doable strategies and exciting physical intimacy and emotional intimacy in your marriage are guaranteed on Friday and many more days after that.
Chapter One: A good sex life is necessary in any marriage and is indeed worth striving for
Marital intimacy, including sexual intimacy, creates a beautiful connection between two committed people that strengthens a healthy relationship. Every couple deserves warmth, intimacy, and their own share of “wow sex.”
Great sex isn’t easy; it takes a lifetime to get to know each other’s hearts and understand each other’s bodies, but it is worth it.
In more than four decades of counseling thousands of couples, Dr. Kevin Leman really can’t remember a single couple who said, “We have a great marriage, but our sex life stinks,” or “We have a sizzling sex life, but our marital relationship stinks.” You can’t have one without the other, not for long. Without good sex, marriage is headed for disaster and extra-marital affairs.
Why is there a gap?
One out of three women don’t know where their clitoris is
Eight out of ten women experienced pain during sex
Intercorse has traditionally been focused on penetration
Fear-based pleasure-oblivious sex education
So, if you’re the spouse who is reticent about having sex because of a trauma you’ve suffered in the past or simply because you prefer couch potato evenings, you really should start working on it. Your marriage is on the line if sex with your spouse is boring or relatively non-existent. If you don’t provide the warmth, intimacy, cuddling, foreplay, and sex your partner desires, he or she will be tempted to find those elsewhere. Now, you don’t want that. So, you’ve got to step up and “affair-proof” your marriage.
Spice up your sexual relationship and see those little surprises and joyful anticipation of walking through life together. Keep things fresh and spice things up between you and your spouse, even after many decades of being together.
Chapter Two: It is important that every woman forms an amazing sexual bond with her husband
While many don’t know it, including women themselves, sex is indeed an important part of every woman. Many women go into marriage with the notion to “just lie back and let him enjoy himself.” This common view of sex is wrong as it doesn’t truly satisfy a man’s needs.
Fulfilling sex isn’t about going through the motions just because it’s something men need.
Sex, for a man who doesn’t see his wife sexually fulfilled, is like a woman trying to talk to her husband while he’s reading the newspaper. She craves conversation, but his lack of attention doesn’t satisfy her need for interaction.
However, it isn’t only women who should put their spouses first. Husbands also need to put their wives first and never fall short of the three things every woman wants most of all — affection, communication, and commitment. To get that female slow cooker simmering, every man needs to do the following:
Whatever you do, don’t forget to keep the romantic fire burning. Take her out for a date night, hold hands, learn her love languages, hire her some cleaning help, and just keep being sweet.
Chapter Three: Wives need to know what their men need the most and work toward fulfilling those needs
Thinking about sex might seem weird to you as a woman, but it isn’t bad at all if it drives that man of yours into your arms time and time again. Or if it makes him floor the accelerator of his car just so he can beat you home to set up a romantic environment, he knows you’ll love. It’s a well-known fact that the penis is every man’s favorite body part — right from the time they were young boys. In 2012, Terri Fisher and her research team discovered that the average healthy man thinks about sex 19 times a day.
Any male who is healthy psychologically has a built-in drive to go after what he wants.
When you understand what men need, their likes and dislikes, their turn-ons and turn-offs, and you figure out how you can fulfill those needs, you’ll have a healthy marriage. Talk about a man who doesn’t only make it a mission to satisfy you in bed but also will help you with house chores and even make a late-night run to the store just because you’re craving chocolate. It helps to know your man and get into his brain. A headway to understanding your husband is knowing that men are attracted to the physical, men are born to compete, and men have a craving for adventure. The key to unlocking your man’s affection forever is understanding his top 3 needs in the following order:
Want me: He needs to know that you still have sexual desire for him. If you make a man feel like a god in the bedroom, there is nothing that man won’t go after and accomplish.
Need me: Men have a hero instinct. They always feel the need to please their spouse. Men naturally love to problem-solve, so encourage your husband by letting him help out from time to time, even if you can do it on your own. Let your husband be your go-to guy. He may not do things as you do them, but he’ll definitely get the job done. When men know they’re needed, they’re always more than happy to step up their game.
Respect me: A man craves respect — respect for his strength, his logic, his ability to have a single-minded focus on a task, and overall respect for his maleness. Make affirming statements to your husband and let him feel like he’s your number one priority. When you treat your husband with respect, you get the respect back in shiny packages of affection.
Sex matters to men greatly, but what’s even more important to us is watching you enjoy what we’re doing to you. ~ Dr. Kevin Leman
Below are some secrets you should know about your man to improve your sexual intimacy:
He wants to be your knight in shining armor
He wants you to enter into sex enthusiastically
He wants time alone with you to share his thoughts and feelings
He wants you to read him like a book and provide what he needs, even when he doesn’t know what he needs
Men naturally don’t share their feelings. However, a smart woman should learn how to read her husband and pull off surprises based on her knowledge of him. That way, you’ll have a relieved, thankful, would-knock-down-a-wall-for-you husband on your hands.
Chapter Four: Identify the intruders in your bedroom and reclaim your sexual space
Every married individual carries a book; that book is unique to each person and governs every aspect of sexual communication in marriages. This book is called “Sexual Rulebook.” This book is developed based on experiences in each person’s family of origin, peers, and past relationships. While most long-term relationships are oblivious to it, this book determines sexual interaction between couples. Here are a few influences that form an expectation of yourself, others, and marriage:
How your parents treated you
The kind of relationship you have with your parents has everything to do with how you expect to be treated by your spouse. If, as a child, you always had things your way, you’ll naturally assume that the same techniques will apply to your marriage. The ones who get treated with respect as children always emerge as strong ones, while someone who got neglected as a child may struggle to initiate sex or express their needs in a marriage. Someone who experienced a tumultuous relationship growing up will end up having difficulty trusting their spouses.
Your parents’ parenting style
Your parents’ parenting style also influences your marriage expectations. For instance, if you grew up with an authoritarian father, as a wife, you’ll unconsciously project feelings of frustration and equality into your marriage. And if you were raised in a permissive home, you’d take it badly if, at any point, you didn’t have your way in your marriage.
The way your parents interacted with each other
How your parents interacted as male and female helped develop your perspective about how opposite genders should treat each other. If you grew up in a home where your dad ran over your mum’s feelings, you, as a man, have a tendency to do the same to your wife.
How your parents treated the topic of sex
How your parents interacted sexually becomes ingrained in you as the way married couples should relate. If you grew up in a home where married sex was regarded as dirty or distasteful, you would be uncomfortable about the topic. And every time you engage in sex with your spouse, your parents’ disapproving stares and words flash through your mind.
Identify these life themes that are influencing the level of intimacy with your spouse. Don’t allow your sexual rule book to control your relationship. Kick your parents and past experiences out of your bedroom and move your marriage to a deeper level.
You may think you’re having sex with just your spouse. But there are more than the two of you doing the mattress mambo. ~ Dr. Kevin Leman
Did you know? The TOP-5 killers of healthy sex life are unresolved conflict, fatigue, hygiene, a lack of affection and romance, and a lack of caring words.
Learn more about rekindling intimacy with your spouse by reading the summary of Dr. Kevin Leman’s book "Have a New Sex Life by Friday: Because Your Marriage Can't Wait Till Monday" on the Headway app.
