114 Funny Short Quotes to Brighten Your Day Instantly

Looking for a quick laugh that also makes your day brighter? These funny, short quotes from self-motivation guides such as 'The Miracle Morning' by Hal Elrod and 'Surrounded by Idiots' by Thomas Erikson, as well as the Internet's most hilarious memes and movies, will get you through the day on a positive note.

Below, you'll find 114 funny, short quotes organized by theme — from work and confidence to love and life — to instantly brighten your day.

Grouped by themes like work inspiration, confidence, self-love, and morning motivation, many inspirational quotes come from Headway book summaries. These reading tidbits offer a quick and easy path toward personal growth and self-development. Start your journey toward a more positive, motivated you today!

Jump to:

- 30 best short funny quotes from iconic books
- Uplifting "laugh out loud" messages by theme
- Funny work quotes
- Short motivational quotes to start your week
- Confidence boost sayings
- Humorous quotes about life
- Relationship and love quotes
- Funny inspirational quotes from the Internet
- Famous movie quotes to entertain you 

Best short, funny quotes from iconic books you'll love

Enjoy witty and motivational quotes from 'The Miracle Morning,' 'Surrounded by Idiots,' and other essential reads. These timeless messages provide the perfect mix of humor and inspiration for your best day ever.

1. "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." ― Mark Twain, 'Letter to Mrs Foote'

2. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true." ― James Branch Cabell, 'The Silver Stallion'

3. "Apparently I lack some particular perversion which today's employer is seeking." ― John Kennedy Toole, 'A Confederacy of Dunces'

4. "There is nothing about an individual as important as his IQ." — David Robson, 'The Intelligence Trap' 

Explore your brain's full potential with a short summary of 'The Intelligence Trap' by David Robson on the Headway app.

1. 5 "The future came and went in the mildly discouraging way that futures do." ― Neil Gaiman, 'Good Omens'

2. "If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever." ― David Sedaris, 'Me Talk Pretty One Day'

3. "The absurdity of working so hard to continue doing something you don't like can be overwhelming." ― Allie Brosh, 'Hyperbole and a Half'

4. "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." ― Douglas Adams, 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'

5. "I'm not too good when exposed to people." ― Maria Semple, 'Where'd You Go, Bernadette'

6. "In short? It is exhausting being me." ― Jenny Lawson, 'Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir'

7. "Do your thing and don't care if they like it." ― Tina Fey, 'Bossypants'

8. "If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated." ― Oscar Wilde, 'The Importance of Being Earnest'

9. "To make profound changes in your life, you need either inspiration or desperation." — Hal Elrod, 'The Miracle Morning' 

Enjoy a summarized version of 'The Miracle Morning' by Hal Elrod on the Headway app.

1. 14 "I don't mind people talking rot in my presence, but it must not be utter rot." ― P.G. Wodehouse, 'The Code of the Woosters'

2. "I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world." ― Albert Camus, 'The Stranger'

3. "Travel far enough, you meet yourself." ―David Mitchell, 'Cloud Atlas'

4. "Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful." ― Mary Shelley, 'Frankenstein'

5. "Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart." ― Rainer Maria Rilke, 'Letters to a Young Poet'

6. "One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple." ―Jack Kerouac, 'The Dharma Bums'

7. "He was unheeded, happy, and near to the wild heart of life." ― James Joyce, 'A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man'

8. "Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting." ― Cormac McCarthy, 'All the Pretty Horses'

9. "Anything worth dying for is certainly worth living for." ― Joseph Heller, 'Catch-22'

10. "When you find out you can live without it, go along not thinking about it." ― Rudyard Kipling, 'The Jungle Book'

11. "One day, you will be old enough to start reading fairytales again." ― C.S. Lewis, 'The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe'

12. "It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." ―Lewis Carroll, 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland'

13. "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." ― Dr. Seuss, 'The Lorax'

14. "I like good strong words that mean something." ― Louisa May Alcott, 'Little Women'

15. "Only dead fish go with the flow." — Thomas Erikson, 'Surrounded by Idiots' 

Improve your communication with insights from the summary of 'Surrounded by Idiots' by Thomas Erikson on the Headway app.

1. 29 "Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition." ― James Baldwin, 'Giovanni's Room'

2. "But why, why, why can't people just say what they mean?" ― Graeme Simsion, 'The Rosie Project'

Uplifting "laugh out loud" messages by theme

From work motivation to humorous love messages, these funny, short quotes about life will brighten up any occasion. Whether you need a confidence boost or a short break, these hilarious lines have you covered!

Funny work quotes

1. 31 "No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early." — Groucho Marx

2. "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." — Oscar Wilde 

3. "I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." – Jerome K. Jerome

4. "People are not Excel spreadsheets." — Thomas Erikson, 'Surrounded by Idiots' 

Read or listen to the full summary of 'Surrounded by Idiots' by Thomas Erikson on the Headway app.

1. 35 "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." — George Carlin

2. "Comedy is acting out optimism." — Robin Williams

3. "You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly!" — Eddie Murphy

4. "Chivalry is dead. Women killed it." — Dave Chappelle

5. "I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery." — Joan Rivers

6. "You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white." — Chris Rock

7. "A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it." — Jerry Seinfeld

Short funny motivational quotes to start your week

1. 42 "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." ― Mae West

2. "If you're going through hell, keep going." ― Winston Churchill

3. "The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it." ― Joan Rivers

4. "There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it." — Mindy Kaling

5. "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." – Robert Frost

6. "All of our drama and suffering is by practice." — Hal Elrod, 'The Miracle Morning' 

Jumpstart your day with helpful tips from the summary of 'The Miracle Morning' by Hal Elrod on the Headway app.

1. 48 "Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." – Will Rogers

2. "I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at." — Louis C.K.

3. "I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do." — Lenny Bruce

4. "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies." — Groucho Marx

5. "If you want something done, ask a busy person." — Lucille Ball

Confidence boost sayings

1. 53 "The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept." — George Carlin

2. "The road to success is always under construction." — Lily Tomlin

3. "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." ― Phyllis Diller

4. "Leaders need to focus on removing roadblocks for others, rather than trying to be successful themselves." — David Robson, 'The Intelligence Trap' 

Challenge your thinking and sharpen your decision-making with insights from the summary of 'The Intelligence Trap' by David Robson on the Headway app.

1. 57 "I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit." — Mel Brooks

2. "I have so many wrinkles, I have to iron my face." — Phyllis Diller

3. "I don't like people who are too nice. It makes me nervous." — Don Rickles 

4. "I always wanted to be a psychologist, but I figured I would spend too much time analyzing myself." — Joan Cusack

5. "If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?" — Tina Fey

6. "I'm a big believer in the power of 'thank you.' A simple thank you can make the world a better place." — Amy Poehler

7. "It's just a ride, and we can change it anytime we want." — Bill Hicks

Humorous quotes about life

1. 64 "Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board." — Betty White

2. "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." — Elbert Hubbard

3. "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." ― Isaac Asimov

4. "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." — Jerry Seinfeld

5. "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye." ― Cathy Guisewite

6. "If you have nothing to say — keep quiet." — Thomas Erikson, 'Surrounded by Idiots' 

Understand people better with key ideas from the summary of 'Surrounded by Idiots' by Thomas Erikson on the Headway app.

1. 70 "You know, you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps." — Sam Kinison

2. "As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." ― Norman Wisdom

3. "In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." ― Bill Cosby

4. "I told my psychiatrist I've been hearing voices, but he's not listening." ― Rodney Dangerfield

5. "A lot of people don't like their own country. That's why they move to another one." ― Norm Macdonald

Relationship and love quotes

1. 75 "Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." — Erma Bombeck

2. "The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone." — Dolly Parton

3. "When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his first name was Always." – Rita Rudner

4. "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." — Steve Martin

5. "If you take your happiness and put it in someone's hands, sooner or later, she is going to break it." — Don Miguel Ruiz, 'The Mastery of Love' 

Discover the key to lasting love in the summary of 'The Mastery of Love' by Don Miguel Ruiz, available on the Headway app.

1. 80 "Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers." — Richard Pryor

2. "I'm the guy who's going to make you laugh and make you cry." — John Belushi

3. "I am a man who's not afraid to cry... when I've got a hot date." — Chris Farley

4. "I love my job. I get to entertain people and make them laugh." — John Candy

5. "You can't please everybody. You've got to do what you've got to do." — Martin Lawrence

Funny inspirational quotes: Top Internet favorites

Start your week with funny sayings that have taken the Internet by storm. These top quotes will not only bring a smile to your face but also offer soft humor and joy for positive vibes.

1. 85 "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." — Charles M. Schulz

2. "Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer." — Ellen DeGeneres

3. "We were born in this society, we grew up in this society. And we learn to be like everyone else, playing nonsense all the time." — Don Miguel Ruiz, 'The Mastery of Love' 

Find out more about relationship wisdom from the summary of 'The Mastery of Love' by Don Miguel Ruiz on the Headway app.

1. 88 "I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later." — Mitch Hedberg

2. "Life is short. Eat dessert first." — Jacques Torres

3. "I don't hustle, I build my brand. There's a difference." — Kevin Hart

4. "I don't have a boyfriend, I just have a dog. He is my only boyfriend." — Sarah Silverman

5. "Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path." — Ellen DeGeneres

6. "I think I would have been a good mother, but I'm just too busy." — Louis Anderson

7. "The same qualities that will make you learn more productively also make you reason more wisely, and vice versa." — David Robson, 'The Intelligence Trap' 

Read or listen to the full summary of 'The Intelligence Trap' by David Robson on the Headway app.

1. 95 "Don't worry about being late. Just worry about the part where you're always late." — Patton Oswalt

2. "I'm not a good guy, but I can hold my own." — Bill Burr

3. "When you're a kid, you don't realize you're also a person. You're just like a thing that's existing. You don't have to worry about it." — Aziz Ansari

4. "I know I'm a comedian because my inner voice is always laughing at me." — Hannah Gadsby

5. "I'm a feminist, but I'm still, like, 'But, you know, I'd be okay if I met a guy who's taller than me.'" — Ali Wong

6. "I don't look like this by accident. This is all design." — John Mulaney

7. "You know, people are always like, 'Money can't buy happiness.' But it can buy a lot of stuff that looks like happiness." — Bo Burnham

8. "What we call education is nothing but domestication of the human being." — Hal Elrod, 'The Miracle Morning' 

Get the gist from the full summary of 'The Miracle Morning' by Hal Elrod on the Headway app.

1. 103 "I think my biggest achievement is that I've got this far without being a complete idiot." — Ricky Gervais

2. "You don't have to be a cynic, but you can't be too optimistic either. I'm sort of in the middle, in a permanent state of cynicism." — Stephen Colbert

Famous movie quotes to entertain you 

This hand-picked collection of entertaining movie quotes will make you laugh, think, and revisit iconic scenes. These lines bring humor, nostalgia, and inspiration for a joyful and productive day. 

1. 105 "Well, nobody's perfect." — Osgood Fielding III, Some Like It Hot 

2. "I am serious… and don't call me Shirley." — Dr. Rumack, Airplane!

3. "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!" — President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove 

4. "The Dude abides." — Jeffrey Lebowski, The Big Lebowski 

5. "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."— Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

6. "I'm kind of a big deal." — Ron Burgundy, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy 

7. "Help me, I'm poor." — Annie, Bridesmaids

8. "If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer." — Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

9. "I am an early bird and a night owl... so I am wise and I have worms." — Michael Scott, The Office

10. "I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet." — Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Make learning fun with Headway book summaries

Go beyond funny, short quotes with bestselling nonfiction titles like 'The Intelligence Trap' by David Robson, and 'The Mastery of Love' by Don Miguel Ruiz. They'll help you loosen up and forget about hard work for a little while. With life-changing self-help advice and personal growth tips, these 15-minute summaries can boost your confidence and self-worth for a more productive day.

For maximum impact, highlight or print out your favorite inspiration quotes for work teams, morning strolls, or routine tasks. They will serve as an important reminder to smile and welcome happiness into your life, no matter what. 

Download the Headway app today and get your daily dose of positivity from the world's bestselling books in just a few clicks!