Self-growth
Business & Career
Success
Communication
Healing
Relationships
Psychology
HappinessYou’ll learn
- Seven principles for a successful marriage
- Sure signs of an imminent divorce
- The importance of friendship in marriage
- Why you should not avoid conflicts
Table of contents
first KEY POINT
Marriages aren't perfect, and will face tough times
When spouses move in together, they go through the adaptation process, which is a vulnerable period for the couple. At this time, resentments from spats can accumulate and ultimately result in a divorce. Direct, positive action backed by open conversations is the key to getting past these challenges.
A good marriage is one where both parties can manage their egos and are always willing to make positive compromises for the relationship to grow.
Why do some marriages fail while others flourish? Dr. Gottman and his colleagues conducted experiments on couples with varying initial conditions. In one experiment, 50 couples stayed overnight in a controlled mini apartment called "The Love Lab.” They were monitored from behind a one-way mirror. Some variables measured included heart rate, gestures, and eye contact. From this extensive research, Dr. Gottman realized he could predict the success or failure of a marriage with 91% accuracy and pinpoint the signs of an imminent divorce with data from his research.These signs include:• An argument that starts with a harsh, offensive tone aiming to corner the other person.
• An overwhelming stream of negativity at every turn.
• Repeated failed attempts to fix the growing damage.
• A host of lingering bad memories.
• A detached, calm, and distant overview of the relationship.Quarrels in a relationship are always stressful. Nevertheless, it can be the starting point for you to grow as a family. Instead of running from conflicts and arguments, you should engage in them. However, the goal should be to find a mutually beneficial solution, not to tear each other down. A couple who takes time to foster a healthy and supportive relationship will have a successful marriage.This summary will help you learn the seven principles that will pull your marriage from rock bottom and send it to soaring heights.
second KEY POINT
Cherishing your partner is your daily duty
The first principle of a happy marriage is to create your love map, a part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner's life. Without this cognitive space, you won’t know much about your partner. And can you love someone without knowing their life goals, worries, and hopes?Building a detailed love map requires attentiveness, care, and a willingness to know your partner better.• Start by asking simple questions like birthdates, favorite meals, and names of best friends. Once you can establish avid knowledge of the simple things, you'll initiate a certain level of intimacy.
• Next, move on to more profound questions that can't be answered with a yes or no. The aim is to feel your partner's mind and get to know their thoughts while showing them how your mind works. Remember, the goal is not to play a show host: be ready to answer the questions asked of you, too.
• Finally, address a more intimate part of the map — each other's core identities.
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first KEY POINT
Foster a solid bond to rely on in times of crisis
second KEY POINT
When crises arise, take practical and conscious steps to fix them
third KEY POINT
Find a way around tricky situations by meeting each other halfway
fourth KEY POINT
Reconnect with your partner using bonding activities with a shared meaning
fifth KEY POINT
Conclusion
Related summaries
Frequently asked questions
What is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert about?
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a guide authored by John Gottman that outlines essential strategies to improve relationships and foster lasting love. It emphasizes understanding, communication, and friendship as critical components for a successful marriage.
What are the key takeaways from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert?
Key takeaways from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work include the importance of building a strong foundation of friendship and mutual respect, effective communication techniques, and the role of shared goals in enhancing marital satisfaction. The book also provides practical exercises to strengthen relationships.
Is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert worth reading?
Yes, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is highly regarded for its research-backed insights and practical advice, making it a valuable resource for couples seeking to enhance their marriage. Its actionable principles have helped many strengthen their relationships.
How many pages is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert and when was it published?
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work contains 320 pages and was published in 1999. The book, authored by John Gottman, has since become a foundational text for understanding and improving marital relationships.
What can couples learn from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert?
Couples can learn effective conflict-resolution strategies, the importance of nurturing their friendship, and how to create shared rituals that enhance connection from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The book serves as a roadmap for couples aiming to deepen their understanding and commitment.