Self-growth
Business & Career
Success
Communication
Healing
Relationships
Psychology
HappinessYou’ll learn
- What being “nice” actually means
- About the power of saying “no”
- Ways to establish boundaries
- How to stop hiding your true self
Table of contents
first KEY POINT
Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in being nice to everyone that you lose your own identity
When we hear the word “nice,” our minds light up green. Nice is good; it is something we should aspire to be and teach our kids the same. However, is that true?Let us consider a time when you had to be nice; what did it mean? Say you were visiting a colleague you don't like because they are egotistical and a showoff. You step out of the car and see this colleague has an ice sculpture of themselves gracing the entrance of their house. Your face cringes with distaste, but your spouse nudges your side, “Remember to be nice!” they scold you, causing you to correct your expression immediately.
Being nice often entails putting up a dishonest front, so you don't hurt people's feelings.
Can you explain what happens here? You walk up the stairs into the house, and you shake the egotistical colleague's hand with a smile and laugh dryly at all their jokes when on the inside, you're rolling your eyes and wishing you could go home. Is this what it means to be nice? You take what you don't like and force politeness to fit in properly with society.Are you beginning to see the downsides of being nice now? It has you watching yourself, second-guessing yourself, looking at the faces of others, and trying to remain acceptable. In this summary, we’ll learn how detrimental the desire to be nice to everyone can be and the helpful ways to put yourself first and treat yourself better.
second KEY POINT
Nothing terrible will happen to you outside the “being nice” model
You've probably never thought “nice” could be bad. Since childhood, it has been embedded in your brain that niceness equals goodness:• "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."
• “Be nice.”
• “Santa wants to know if you're naughty or nice.”
• “Don't you want to be on Santa's nice list?”We all grew up this way. We believed being nice would get us good things — love, acceptance, and presents. Our parents and teachers encouraged us to suppress our anger, swallow our tears, and mask our disappointment. So, we learned to bottle up our true feelings and put up an act to try to please everyone.
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first KEY POINT
Being “not nice” is being true to yourself
second KEY POINT
Make a conscious decision to establish your boundaries and go after what you want
third KEY POINT
Learn to protect your boundaries despite what niceness social conditioning tells you
fourth KEY POINT
When you are finally free of the social conditioning of niceness, you will find your true self shining through
fifth KEY POINT
Conclusion
Related summaries
Frequently asked questions
What is Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself about?
'Not Nice' by Dr. Aziz Gazipura addresses the challenges of people-pleasing and the guilt associated with asserting oneself. The book empowers readers to cultivate confidence, speak their truth, and embrace their authentic selves.
What are the key takeaways from Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself?
Key takeaways from 'Not Nice' include recognizing the cost of people-pleasing, strategies for setting boundaries, and techniques for building assertiveness. Dr. Gazipura emphasizes the importance of prioritizing self-respect and the value of saying 'no' when necessary.
Is Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself worth reading?
Yes, 'Not Nice' is worth reading for anyone struggling with self-assertion and the fear of disapproval. Dr. Gazipura offers practical advice and relatable anecdotes, making it a valuable resource for personal growth.
How many pages is Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself and when was it published?
'Not Nice' is 272 pages long and was published on March 1, 2019. This comprehensive guide tackles essential skills for navigating social pressures and enhancing personal freedom.
Who is the author of Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself?
The author of 'Not Nice' is Dr. Aziz Gazipura, a clinical psychologist and expert in social anxiety and assertiveness training. His work focuses on helping individuals overcome limitations and live more fulfilling lives.