summary ofThe Power of a Positive NoBook by William Ury

first KEY POINT

No always comes before Yes

For many people, saying No is one of the toughest things to do; it’s often uncomfortable, scary, and might be dangerous for your relationships with others. But at the same time, it is vital for your well-being. When you say No to others, you say Yes to yourself, your interests, values, and needs, and that is why saying No is one of the essential skills to obtain to live happily and remain successful.For a long time, William Ury considered our collective inability to reach a Yes as the main reason behind the damaging conflicts that keep shaking up our lives. However, he has realized that agreements are often temporary and lead to even more disputes; many underlying issues and problems remain unresolved when two sides say Yes to each other.

William Ury is now confident that there must be a basic No before there can be any room for a Yes. To stand up for what matters and tend to your needs or those of others, you must first say No to a request or demand that may be unwelcome, abusive, or inappropriate.Saying No, though, isn’t as straightforward as we’d like it to be. It is one of the most powerful words in any language, and we must use it effectively and gracefully. Think of it as your “+4” Uno card — it can save you when you are in a tough predicament, but overuse it, and no one will want to play with you anymore.The tricky thing with saying No is that you must keep a certain balance between exercising your will and power and tending to your relationship.In the following chapters, you will learn, step by step, how to deliver the perfect Positive No that will help you protect your interests and strengthen your relationships. There are two main stages for this: preparation and delivery, and when combined, they fall into place like puzzles of one firm No.