summary ofThe Art of LovingBook by Erich Fromm, PhD

first KEY POINT

Is love an innate skill? Or does it require work?

Many humans assume that there is nothing to learn about love. Love appears as an accidental positive feeling and experience. We “fall into” it, as luck would have it. However, love, contrary to popular belief, is an art that requires knowledge and effort.Our wrong assumptions about love have their distinct roots. One is the belief that we must be successful and influential to the best of our abilities to earn love. There’s a conviction that you’ll get anyone you want if you're rich enough. Another requirement is attractiveness. Conventional beauty seems to be the master key to the love door. Add all well-known gender-labeled expectations to the mix (men must be strong and decisive, and women must be pretty and great homemakers), and you’ll get the complete package of unhealthy assumptions.

We believe in the simplicity of love but convince ourselves that finding the right person is complex. In our culture, marketing orientation is prevalent, and we attach too much value to material success. So it’s not surprising that our love follows the same pattern that governs the market.Another crucial element for understanding love is realizing the difference between “falling” in love and “being” in love.When two people who have been strangers let their walls down and become suddenly intimate, they enjoy a very exhilarating experience. However, as these two people become more acquainted, their intimacy loses its touch, and the initial excitement eventually fizzles out.Dive in to discover the theory and practice of love. Learn what it means to love in a mature way and explore the joy of giving yourself to another person without expecting much in return. Discover the active character of love.