summary ofOut of the ShadowsBook by Patrick J. Carnes, PhD

second KEY POINT

In a whirlpool of addiction

All sexual addicts follow a four-step cycle that becomes more intense with each subsequent occurrence.The first step is preoccupation. It is a kind of trance or state of mind that addicts enter when sex-related ideas consume their brains. This mental condition causes a compulsive need to seek out sexual pleasure.The second step is ritualization. These are unique practices that addict has developed for themselves as a prelude to engaging in sexual conduct. The ritual intensifies the preoccupation and awakens a sense of arousal and excitement.The culmination of the two abovementioned stages is compulsive sexual behavior, in other words, the actual sexual act itself. Sexual addicts cannot exercise self-control or refrain from engaging in this conduct.After hitting the pinnacle, addicts experience despair— an overwhelming sense of complete hopelessness about their conduct and the lack of control over it.The “low” phase of the four-step cycle is the misery that the addict feels after being compulsively sexual. The disappointment stems from a mix of negative feelings:• guilt about not sticking to promises;
• pity for themselves when their actions were exceptionally embarrassing or dangerous;
• disgust with themselves if their addictive behavior has compromised or abused their core beliefs and principles.From the addict’s point of view, the only way to get rid of all these frustrations and pain is to get back to the first two stages, which give him pleasure and joy, so he starts the addiction cycle again. As time progresses, the cycle drags the addict down the cortex to the point where the issue becomes obvious and impossible to conceal. The balance between two lives is ruined; however, the addict’s mind, blurred with sexual euphoria, doesn’t want to accept the reality. Instead, they assure themselves that everything is fine, they can stop whenever they want and that everything is under control. However, a person’s life only gets progressively worse as they become more self-absorbed, develop feelings of self-hatred, and engage in increasingly harmful behaviors.

Continue reading with Headway app

Continue reading

Full summary is waiting for you in the app