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Summary of Mating in Captivity 

What’s inside

Understand the place of sex in modern society and younger generations. Identify the potential issues to improve your physical and emotional intimacy.

Key points


Sex without love exists; love without sex — doesn’t

Romantic relationships play a crucial role in human lives, but we don’t get lectures at school on keeping that sparkle after X years of marriage or why motherhood leads to a lower sexual desire. Do you enjoy your sex life? Are you able to speak out about your needs to your partner? Or perhaps, you feel stuck and have forgotten how to flirt with your loved one.

We live in the era of sex. Today, you can see love-making everywhere you go. Sexual motives in ads, online forums, communities, gatherings of people with the same preferences, nudes all over social media, and ONS (one-night stands, or very short sexual relationships) culture on dating apps. But how much do you know about it?

This summary doesn’t provide stale advice but touches on the author’s explanation of how the history and cultural heritage of the United States affect the tradition of building a relationship; it shows how feminism, along with Puritanism, causes disturbances in women and leads to confusion.
The decline in mating with the same partner is absolutely a normal phase of a relationship.
Mating in Captivity is a sex-friendly space, free of judging, stereotypes, and moralizing. Every chapter uncovers more about sex in general and your particular sexual relationships. The book is like a journey: firstly, peeking into the past to find out how relationships worked many centuries ago; then, moving through childhood to see the importance of a mother’s love and its influence on her children’s sex life.

In this summary, you won’t get all the answers right away; instead, you are invited for an open dialogue with yourself to explore your sexuality under the guidance of a professional therapist.
Many women struggle to integrate sexuality and motherhood. Ours is a culture that equates maternal devotion with selflessness: self-sacrifice, self-abnegation, self-denial. ~ Esther Perel

People are loved, but they want to be desired

Why don’t modern couples have sex? The level of stress and anxiety rises each decade; the amount of work for men and women grows; new parents tend to spend more time with children than what was once the norm. All these factors contribute to the declining intimacy issue, but the major reason is love. Uncertainty sparks sexual desire, while stability and safety cool it. At the end of the day, it is easier for the couple to admit they have ‘low sexual desire’ than to spend time on foreplay.
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Our cultural background and gender define our sexual dos and don’ts


Mystery keeps desire alive


‘Nice girls’ have difficulties with accepting their kinks


Sexual nomadism worsens your ability to keep the passion in a long-term commitment


Monogamy is a choice, not a biological necessity



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You’ll learn

Why couples stopped having regular sex
Differences between romantic and realistic partners
How society shapes gender expectations in love
Why puritanical views on sex don’t work

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