summary ofEmotional BlackmailBook by Susan Forward, PhD, with Donna Frazier

first KEY POINT

The twisted vine of manipulation

We sometimes hear about ransom and blackmail — they sure do make for a great action movie plot. But what about other types of blackmail that are much closer to our reality? Emotional blackmail is a silent companion of many relationships.Whenever you leave a discussion with a friend or a partner feeling defeated, overpowered, and confused, chances are you've become a victim of emotional blackmail. It is a twisted way of getting what one wants through manipulation and guilt-tripping, and it is at work whenever there's an imbalance of power between two people.All relationships are built on a give-and-take dynamic. Sometimes you take a step back and concede to the other person’s wishes, and sometimes they do the same for you. This is a natural process that often includes a bit of emotional blackmail on both sides. But, as with anything, emotional blackmail can become dangerous and damaging if overused.A relationship overpowered by emotional blackmail becomes dangerous for both parties' mental and psychological health. The blackmailer sinks deeper into their hurtful tactics while the other person focuses solely on the needs of the blackmailer, forgetting to take care of their own.

Emotional blackmail hurts the most when used by the people closest to us. Not only is it because we don’t expect them to treat us so badly, but also because they use their intimate knowledge of our deepest fears and insecurities to customize their threats. For those who crave love and approval, blackmailers will threaten to take them away, aiming at the thing that hurts most to get what they want.The following chapters will guide you towards clarity and understanding by providing you with the information and tools necessary to withstand and fight back against emotional blackmail. The guilt that a blackmailer has inspired in you will slowly fade away as you act in healthy and self-empowering ways.