summary ofEight DatesBook by John Gottman, PhD, Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, Doug Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD

first KEY POINT

There is a science to long-lasting relationships

More than half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. In Portugal, the figure is closer to 70%. The exact number shifts from country to country, but the trend holds, and that's before you count the couples who stay together quietly unhappy.Most divorced couples will tell you they never saw it coming. In Gottman's research, the couples who later broke up weren't constantly having dramatic arguments. Instead, the warning signs showed up in small, everyday moments: an eye roll, a sarcastic comment, or a touch of contempt during a normal conversation. Relationships rarely end because life gets hard. They end because these small negative moments slowly begin to outweigh the positive ones, eroding trust and closeness day by day.Based on research, couples who make it to seven years of marriage are more likely to have a lasting relationship. But we've all seen couples divorce after decades together. Finances, infidelity, and parenting get reported as the major reasons people split up. But there's a deeper reason behind them all, and once you see it, you'll never look at relationships the same way.The goal of these eight dates is to take you and your partner through eight topics that could potentially make or mar your marriage. The idea is to have a conversation on each one and come away understanding each other better. While researching, John Gottman and other scientists asked volunteer couples to go on the eight dates and report their experiences. Almost all of them discovered things about each other they'd never known before, and these couples ranged from people dating, to engaged couples, newlyweds, and those married for decades. They ranged in age from 21 to 67, so wherever you are, this applies to you.

We'll get into the eight dates in this summary: the conversations to have, the questions to ask, and the affirmations that help solidify your commitment. Read closely, but don't stop there. Make time for your partner, go on these dates, and enjoy your relationship.