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Attached

summary ofAttachedBook by Amir Levine, PhD, Rachel Heller, MA

13 min
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You’ll learn

  • The value of secure relationships
  • How attachment types form
  • Ways to improve your relationships
  • Why partners sometimes misunderstand each other

first KEY POINT

All relationships are unique

Every human being craves belonging, whether to family, friends, or a spouse. When humans become attached to someone, their influence on each other regulates their natural state.

Humans must form close bonds with others to feel secure and safe.

Relationship problems can be excruciating; they encompass the innermost core of people's lives. You may suffer from constant tension and emotional issues if your partner cannot meet your basic needs.Of course, there is no universal solution or explanation for all relationship problems. All people are individuals, and their bonds are equally unique. But, understanding attachment types will help you minimize conflicts and misunderstandings. Attachment types are our way of loving: how we show love, perceive it, and respond to intimacy in a relationship. Psychologists distinguish between three types:• Secure
• Anxious
• AvoidantPeople with anxious attachment type tend to be overly concerned about their relationship and unreasonably doubt whether their partners love them.Those who have an avoidant type of attachment are afraid of intimacy. These people are terrified of being betrayed, hurt, and vulnerable to someone they trust and open up to. Therefore, such people prefer to be closed and detached. These people spend a lot of time alone, and it is challenging to bring them to frankness.A secure type of attachment is what you should strive for to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. It is an ideal balance between caring enough and not worrying too much. A couple can achieve this through mutual respect, patience, and a willingness to work on their traumas.If you want to enhance the quality of your relationships and look forward to a lifetime of secure love, follow this summary to the end to learn more.

second KEY POINT

Your upbringing dictates attachment styles

People with different attachment styles show variances in:• The way they see intimacy and togetherness.
• How they deal with conflicts.
• How they feel about sex.
• How they express their feelings and desires.
• Their expectations from their partner.All of the above usually depends on how your parents expressed their feelings when you were a child. We unconsciously adopt our perception of life from our parents or guardians, who are our first guides in feelings, emotions, and sensations.To provide you with a secure attachment, your parents should have been considerate, responsive, and open to you. Suppose your parents gave you a sense of calm, security, and confidence in childhood. In that case, in adulthood, you will easily trust people, make firm friends, and love without fear of vulnerability.

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first KEY POINT

Heal your partner's wounds with love and patience

second KEY POINT

Tips for surviving when you're anxious

third KEY POINT

Conquer avoidance to experience the happiness of trust

fourth KEY POINT

Cultivate a secure attachment style to enjoy higher levels of satisfaction

fifth KEY POINT

Conclusion

About the author

Amir Levine, PhD, is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist. Rachel Heller, MA, is a psychologist who works with educational systems.

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Frequently asked questions

What is Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love about?

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love, authored by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, explores the concept of attachment theory and its implications for adult relationships. The book delves into how different attachment styles influence interactions and emotional bonds, offering practical strategies for finding and maintaining healthy love.

What are the key takeaways from Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love?

Key takeaways from Attached include understanding your attachment style, recognizing the styles of your partners, and learning how these dynamics affect relationship satisfaction. The authors provide actionable tips for overcoming attachment-related challenges to foster deeper, more fulfilling connections with loved ones.

Is Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love worth reading?

Yes, Attached is highly regarded for its insightful exploration of adult attachment and practical advice, making it a valuable read for anyone interested in relationships. It combines scientific research with relatable examples, empowering readers to improve their love lives dramatically.

How many pages is Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love and when was it published?

Attached has 304 pages and was published on March 10, 2010. This engaging read not only provides insights based on research but also offers practical applications for everyday relationships.

What are the main attachment styles discussed in Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love?

The main attachment styles discussed in Attached are secure, anxious, and avoidant. Understanding these styles can help you identify patterns in your own relationships and those of your partners, allowing for more effective communication and connection.