summary ofThe Relationship CureBook by John Gottman, Joan DeClaire

first KEY POINT

Emotional connection as the main ingredient of strong relationships recipe

Whatever relationships people have, they all start from one point — emotional connection. We often neglect it or lack knowledge about its importance. Still, the quality of emotional link predetermines almost every relationship, whether at home, at work, or in a long queue in a supermarket. But what are the sensitive connection mechanics?Our brain has seven command systems that produce emotions. When we know how this manufacturing occurs, we see what we overlook in life or whether we connect or fail to do so with people we love.If you’ve ever been in a situation where you, your partner, friend, or colleague had crashed against the wall of misunderstanding, it most likely resulted from the inability to connect or bid emotionally. John Gottman defines bid as a central element of emotional contact. So, to become a pro of touching bidding, you will:• Examine the way you emotionally connect with others and treat their bidding.
• Reveal how the command systems interfere with the way you bid.
• See how your emotional background affects your style of connection.
• Fine-tune your communication qualifications.
• Acquire common ground with other people.

When a storm or lull is coming up in your relationship, it is most likely because you and your partner fail to read out or answer back to each other’s bids. The results of the most trivial argument or miscommunication can be dramatic. We feel downhearted and lonely, then become secretive and let the conflict take its course. Remarkably, we don’t even imagine how amazing life can be if we respond to each other’s bidding in another way. To make things work, we must acknowledge the gravity of our emotions and the importance of explaining them to people we love.After navigating through this tidbit, you’ll grasp the secrets of emotional communication and discover how to manage difficult situations. You’ll also learn how to understand others’ feelings and bids and how to listen and hear people you care about. The formula of harmonious relationships isn’t as complex as it might seem, and we’re about to figure it out.