Having a high IQ of 190 doesn't guarantee success in leading others or building relationships. This phenomenon often happens with brilliant executives and industry leaders who, despite their intelligence, struggle to connect with their co-workers or even people in their personal lives. This gap in social skills is often a key component that limits their true potential.
Unlike IQ, which is largely genetic, emotional intelligence and social awareness can be developed through practice and self-control. Many people, especially in leadership positions, face challenges in understanding others' emotions and building stronger relationships in the workplace. Daniel Goleman's research shows that having high emotional intelligence is actually twice as important as technical skills or IQ for professional success. This article explores how improving your emotional intelligence skillset can transform your effectiveness and well-being.
What is emotional intelligence?
"People just don't understand it [emotional intelligence]. They often mistake it for a form of charisma or gregariousness. Second, they don't see it as something that can be improved. Either you have it or you don't…By understanding what emotional intelligence really is and how we can manage it in our lives, we can begin to leverage all of that intelligence, education, and experience we've been storing up for all these years." — Excerpt from Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Recent research defines emotional intelligence as our ability to recognize our emotions and those of others, differentiate between feelings accurately, use emotional information for better decision-making, and adjust our emotional responses to achieve our goals.
Like IQ, emotional intelligence has its own measure — the emotional quotient (EQ). According to Bradberry and Greaves in Emotional Intelligence 2.0, IQ, personality, and EQ are distinct qualities that shape our thoughts and actions. While one doesn't predict another, EQ is uniquely flexible and changeable.
Understanding the four skills of emotionally intelligent people
The EQ of people comprises four cardinal parameters that can be learned and improved through practice and self-assessment. These skills are:
Self-awareness
In Self-Awareness (Harvard Business Review Series), Self-awareness is dubbed: "the first component of emotional intelligence." While millions take online EQ tests each year, data shows that only 36% can accurately identify their own emotions.
Genuine self-awareness involves recognizing our emotional state and managing both positive and negative emotions before allowing them to run wild from within.
Self-management
This competency reflects our ability to choose appropriate responses in any given situation. As noted in Emotional Intelligence 2.0, "Real results come from putting your momentary needs [and emotions] on hold to pursue larger, more important goals." Self-regulation means actively controlling what we do or say when our impulses push us in another direction, especially in stressful situations.
Social awareness
While introverts often show strong potential for reading nonverbal cues and understanding the emotions of others, high emotional intelligence isn't limited to any personality type.
Social awareness involves recognizing the situational cues from the environment around us through body language and emotional responses. For leaders, this means understanding how their team members' emotional states affect their performance and well-being.
Relationship management
The fourth skill builds on the first three EQ competencies. Harnessing the power of effective relationship management requires us to balance emotional responses and practice active listening skills in every situation. While our natural impulses might drive us to react quickly, intelligent people with high EQ know how to take a deep breath and respond in ways that benefit everyone involved.
Why is emotional intelligence important?
It might be easier to think of the components of emotional intelligence as a scale that can tilt in either direction. But when we follow some basic rules, positive results begin to level out.
According to Daniel Goleman, co-director of the Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations at Rutgers University, EQ needed for superior performance in leaders — making it twice as valuable as technical expertise or having a high IQ.
Additionally, people with high emotional intelligence typically possess:
Better mental health and emotional awareness
Stronger problem-solving abilities
More effective communication skills
Success in building healthy relationships
Enhanced conflict management abilities
How to develop your EQ
"But when things go awry, business and sports superstars dust themselves off and move on." — HBR's 10 Must Reads on Mental Toughness
Are you struggling to rein in and manage internal and externally prevalent emotions? Not having a level of control in the present moment can significantly impact your goals and self-confidence.
Improving your emotional intelligence requires developing all four EQ skills in the order outlined earlier. Greaves and Bradberry's 17 Relationship Management Strategies is a helpful guide for developing and synergizing emotional intelligence skills to better influence others. Here are key strategies from Emotional Intelligence 2.0:
Be Open and Curious
Enhance Your Natural Communication Style
Avoid Giving Mixed Signals
Remember the Little Things that Pack a Punch
Take Feedback Well
Build Trust
Have an "Open-Door" Policy
Only Get Mad on Purpose
Don't Avoid the Inevitable
Acknowledge the Other Person's Feelings
Compliment the Person's Emotions or Situation
When You Care, Show It
Explain Your Decisions, Don't Just Make Them
Make Your Feedback Direct and Constructive
Align Your Intention with Your Impact
Offer a "Fix-it" Statement during a Broken Conversation
Tackle a Tough Conversation
The main goal of developing emotional intelligence is to build healthy relationships in every aspect of life. Consequently, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 made an in-depth exposition on how practicing each of the 17 strategies improves EQ.
Leaders and team members may find it difficult to adjust to the emotional realities of their environment or inner person. As such, these difficulties signal the need for resilience and mindfulness in daily life. Aim to pay attention and express mindfulness during intentional self-reflection. It will make it easier to isolate our emotional strengths and weaknesses.
Ideally, aim to ramp up emotional strength through self-motivation and empathy. In Resilience (HBR Emotional Intelligence Series), Goleman and colleagues provide practical steps for handling setbacks, personal traumas, and professional difficulties.
Close — you can get better!
"Emotions can help you, and they can hurt you, but you have no say in the matter until you understand them. We invite you to begin your journey now because we know that emotional mastery and understanding can become realities for you." — Daniel Goleman, Jeffrey Sonnenfeld, and Shawn Achor.
Managing emotions and strengthening low emotional intelligence into high EQ may feel like swimming against the tide with no life jacket. For additional guidance on improving your social awareness and self-management, explore these insights from the best-selling nonfiction texts in the Headway library:
Self-Awareness (HBR Emotional Intelligence Series) — Multiple Contributors
Resilience (HBR Emotional Intelligence Series) — Daniel Goleman, Jeffrey A. Sonnenfeld, and Shawn Achor
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 — Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves
Unlock your emotional potential — start with the Headway app
Improving your emotional intelligence is a crucial step toward personal growth and self-actualization; the journey begins with the right tools and knowledge. The Headway app offers concise, impactful insights from the world's leading books on emotional intelligence, resilience, and self-awareness — all tailored to fit your busy lifestyle. Download the Headway app today and take the first step in mastering your emotions, building stronger relationships, and unlocking your full potential!
