Studies show that around 30% of men experience premature ejaculation at some point in their lives. If you're facing this challenge, you're not alone. While this common issue can cause relationship stress and frustration, there are practical, evidence-based solutions to help improve your sexual stamina. In this article, sexual health expert Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn shares her insights and actionable tips to help you last longer in bed naturally and confidently.
As a disclaimer, this article is for informational purposes only and does not substitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare provider before starting any treatment.
What does it mean to last longer in bed?
Lasting longer in bed doesn't mean marathon sessions. According to sexual health experts, the average time most people last during penetrative sex is between 5 to 10 minutes, with desired durations typically ranging from 7 to 13 minutes. The focus should be mutual satisfaction, which you can achieve with the proper techniques.
What causes premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation (PE) can stem from various psychological and physiological factors:
Overexcitement: High arousal levels may lead to quick orgasm. Focus on your partner's pleasure during foreplay to help delay your climax.
Lack of orgasm control: With practice, men can learn to control their orgasms through proper breathing and rhythm.
Inexperience: First-time sexual encounters often lead to quicker climaxes. Over time, this improves with experience.
Vigorous sex: Fast, intense penetration can speed up ejaculation. Consider slowing down to enjoy the process.
Low stamina: Men without regular sexual activity or exercise tend to have lower sexual stamina.
Penis-focused foreplay: Avoid too much direct stimulation during foreplay if PE is an issue. Instead, focus on your partner's pleasure.
Another major contributor to sexual dysfunction is stress. High stress levels can impact both premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. When stressed, your body releases cortisol, a hormone linked to performance anxiety and reduced arousal. Chronic stress can make it harder to control ejaculation and lower overall sexual desire, affecting your ability to enjoy intimate moments.
For deeper insights into how psychological factors like stress and anxiety impact sexual performance, consider reading 'A Man's Guide to Women' by John Gottman. It examines emotional connection and its impact on intimacy. You can even check out its summary on the Headway App.
One of the most common misconceptions is confusing premature ejaculation with erectile dysfunction. While both affect men's sexual performance, they have distinct causes and treatments. Let's look at what sets them apart and how each issue can impact overall well-being.
Is premature ejaculation the same as erectile dysfunction?
No, while both are related to men's health, they are quite different. Premature ejaculation revolves around orgasm and ejaculation earlier than expected, while erectile dysfunction relates to the inability to get an erection due to reduced blood flow to your genitals.
Though distinct, both conditions fall under sexual dysfunction and can impact self-esteem, relationships, and mental health. Premature ejaculation is often tied to anxiety or stress, while erectile dysfunction is more linked to physical health conditions like heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity, or diabetes. These issues can co-occur, requiring medical support and lifestyle changes to improve sexual performance.
Fortunately, there are simple, effective techniques to help you delay ejaculation, reduce anxiety, and regain control in the bedroom.
10 effective techniques to help delay ejaculation
Here are proven ways to help manage premature ejaculation (PE) and improve your control during sexual activity. These techniques range from physical exercises to mental strategies you can start practicing today.
1. Find a stress reduction technique that works for you
Stress is a huge factor in sexual function. One of the easiest ways to reduce stress is by evening journaling — simply writing down your thoughts on paper at the end of the day can help clear your mind, relax, and let stressful things go. If that's not your thing, try deep breathing, meditation, or regular exercise to help you stay calmer and more present during intimate moments. To learn more about managing stress and its effects on sexual health, check out 'Get Out of Your Head' by Jennie Allen on Headway's app.
2. Communicate with your partner
Many men feel insecure about premature ejaculation, which can cause tension in relationships. Open communication with your partner can ease anxiety and reduce the pressure you put on yourself. Share your concerns, and work together to find ways to make intimacy more enjoyable for both of you. Building trust with your partner creates a more relaxed atmosphere, which can naturally help improve your stamina and make your sex life more enjoyable and fulfilling for both of you.
If you're looking for practical advice on strengthening emotional and physical connections in relationships, ‘Love Worth Making’ by Stephen Snyder is a great resource. This resource explores how mutual understanding enhances intimacy, and its summary is available on the Headway App.
3. Try edging (the stop-start technique)
Edging, also known as the stop-start technique, is a proven method to help men gain better control over their ejaculation. The idea is simple: masturbate until you feel you're about to climax, then stop and let the sensation subside. Repeat this process several times to train your body to delay ejaculation. For more practical techniques on improving self-control and sexual performance, check out 'The Multi-Orgasmic Man' by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams, which is available on Headway's app.
4. Use the squeeze technique
The pause-squeeze method is a technique used to delay ejaculation by pausing stimulation and applying pressure to the tip of the penis. This decreases the urge to ejaculate and allows you to regain control. The best time to perform the squeeze technique is when you're approaching orgasm.
Practicing the pause-squeeze method regularly and communicating clearly with your partner will make it easier to implement during sexual intercourse. By incorporating this technique, you can address premature ejaculation and improve your sexual stamina.
5. Use numbing creams or sprays
Topical numbing products like sprays or creams containing lidocaine or benzocaine can reduce sensitivity, which can help delay ejaculation. Apply the product to the head and shaft of the penis before sex to reduce overstimulation. Make sure to choose products recommended by medical professionals, watch for potential side effects, such as reduced sexual pleasure or irritation, and always follow the product's instructions carefully to avoid overuse.
6. Use condoms
Condoms naturally decrease sensitivity, helping extend sexual duration. Desensitizing condoms that contain numbing agents can work especially well for men with PE. If you prefer not to use special condoms, even regular condoms can make a noticeable difference by reducing direct stimulation.
7. Try pelvic floor exercises (kegel exercises)
Pelvic floor exercises, also known as kegels, target your pelvic floor muscles, which are responsible for controlling ejaculation. Strengthening these muscles can improve your sexual stamina and help delay climax. To practice, identify the muscles you use to stop urination mid-flow. Tighten those muscles for three seconds, then relax for three seconds. Repeat this ten times in a row and do the exercise daily. Over time, stronger pelvic muscles can help improve your sexual stamina.
8. Practice sexual meditation
Sexual meditation, or sexual mindfulness, can help you focus on the present moment and reduce performance anxiety. Studies show that mindfulness practices can improve sexual function. Try using guided meditations specifically focused on sexual mindfulness, like those available on YouTube from experts such as Dr. Tara.
9. Experiment with different sex positions
Some positions create more stimulation than others, leading to quicker ejaculation. For example, if missionary is too arousing, try positions that allow for less stimulation or that help you feel more in control. Positions like spooning or lying side-by-side can reduce the intensity and help extend the duration.
10. Incorporate sex toys
Using sex toys can shift the focus away from penetration and help your partner reach orgasm through other means. This can take the pressure off you to last longer. Remember that sexual satisfaction doesn't depend solely on intercourse. Toys, massages, and oral stimulation can all contribute to an enjoyable sexual experience.
What are some natural remedies to help last longer in bed?
Foods and drinks play a more significant role in sexual performance than you might think. Drinking lots of water can help with energy levels and blood flow, which is essential for maintaining stamina. Staying hydrated keeps your body functioning properly and prevents fatigue.
You can also try natural supplements that have been traditionally used to improve sexual health. Some of these supplements include:
Maca root: A root vegetable from Peru known for boosting libido and energy
Ashwagandha: An ancient herb used in Ayurvedic medicine that can help reduce stress and increase endurance
Ginseng: A popular herb that may improve blood flow and sexual function.
While natural remedies and techniques help, they may not be enough if the issue persists. If you've tried these strategies and still experience premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, consider contacting a medical professional for further assistance.
When to see a doctor and seek medical care
When you've had premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction consistently for over a month, consider seeking medical advice from a urologist, sex therapist, or healthcare professional. A healthcare provider can offer you discreet treatment options like ED treatment and other urology-related remedies that address your specific concerns. In some cases, doctors may prescribe medications, including antidepressants like SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), which can help delay ejaculation by affecting serotonin levels in the brain.
If you're struggling with self-esteem or confidence issues related to sexual performance, 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Robert Glover can be a helpful guide. The work addresses emotional barriers that impact intimacy and offers actionable tips to overcome them. Its summary is also available on the Headway App.
How to help your partner last longer in bed
Communication is crucial. PE can cause stress and embarrassment for male partners, so discussing it openly and normalizing the situation helps ease tension while exploring solutions together. Sexual wellness in a long-term relationship requires consistent effort. Educating yourself more about it can help you become more confident in bed.
Start by creating a safe space to discuss the issue without judgment. Let your partner know that this is a common challenge and not something to be ashamed of. Open conversations can help reduce anxiety and bring you closer as a couple.
To learn more about improving intimacy, consider exploring 'A Man's Guide to Women' by John Gottman, 'Love Worth Making' by Stephen Snyder, and 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Robert Glover. You can find summaries of these books on the Headway App for quick, actionable insights.
Take control of your intimacy with Headway summaries
Improving your sexual stamina and lasting longer in bed doesn't happen overnight, but proper techniques and mindset make it achievable. Start by understanding your body, reducing stress, and communicating openly with your partner. Small, consistent efforts can lead to more fulfilling intimate moments and a stronger emotional connection.
For those looking to dive deeper into building confidence and improving intimacy, Headway offers quick and actionable book summaries to help you on your way. Explore 'A Man's Guide to Women' by John Gottman for insights into emotional connections, 'Love Worth Making' by Stephen Snyder for advice on deepening intimacy, and 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Robert Glover to address confidence issues.
Sexual wellness is an essential part of a healthy relationship. With Headway's app, you can learn how to improve your relationships and take practical steps toward becoming more confident and satisfied in your intimate life. Let knowledge be your guide to better performance and deeper connections.
