How to Have Better Sex, According to an Expert in Sexual Communication

Research shows that couples who openly discuss their desires report significantly higher relationship satisfaction. Yet, many people struggle with discussing intimacy or navigating the challenges of maintaining a vibrant sex life.

That's where I come in. I'm Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a relationship and sexual communication expert. Together, we'll explore practical strategies to enhance sexual satisfaction. From rekindling passion to addressing common challenges, these proven approaches will help transform your intimate connection with your partner into something genuinely fulfilling. Each section builds naturally on the previous one, offering a holistic approach to enhancing physical and emotional intimacy.

Understanding sexual well-being

A healthy sex life is when you feel your most sexually vibrant, fulfilled, uninhibited, confident, and satisfied self. But achieving that takes more than just physical interaction — it requires a more profound connection that touches on emotional, psychological, and relational well-being.

When thinking about how often you should have sex, remember that sexual frequency is a highly personal preference. Some people feel satisfied with sex once a week, while others need 3-4 times per week to feel fulfilled. Instead of focusing on a universal standard, ask yourself: How many times do you need to have sex per week to feel connected with your partner?

A fulfilling sex life is a key part of overall life satisfaction. When your sexual desire is met, your relationship flourishes. However, it's essential to recognize that for asexual individuals who don't experience sexual attraction, fulfilling relationships can look different, and that's perfectly valid.

For further insights, explore Headway summaries of 'Love Worth Making' by Dr. Stephen Snyder and 'Mating in Captivity' by Esther Perel. These books offer practical advice on maintaining intimacy and passion in long-term relationships.

Several factors can impact your sexual well-being — from stress and hormone imbalances to relationship dynamics. Recognizing and addressing these factors is essential to improving your sexual satisfaction.

What is sexual stamina?

Sexual stamina is the ability to sustain sexual activity, which can vary based on factors like overall health, fitness, and conditions that affect blood flow and energy levels, such as heart disease. To maintain good stamina, take a look at your overall sexual health. How's your blood pressure? How about hip mobility? Are you exercising regularly to maintain healthy blood flow? Many men experience erectile dysfunction as they age due to health concerns, so it's good to get medical advice from a sexual medicine specialist if it's a persistent issue. You can also talk to a sex therapist if it affects your mental health.

That'll cover what makes a satisfying sex life, so let's move on to one of the most critical aspects of maintaining intimacy: communication.

The most common sex life challenges and what causes them

Every couple faces challenges that can affect their sex life — whether it's mismatched libidos, sexual boredom, or anxiety. These issues are normal and don't have to mean the end of a fulfilling, intimate connection. The key is recognizing them early and taking proactive steps to address them together.

Some of the leading causes of sexual problems include:

• Hormone imbalances: Changes in hormones can impact libido and performance. It's essential to get regular checkups and address any imbalances with a healthcare provider.

• Boring, predictable routines: Over time, sex can become repetitive. Introducing new experiences and maintaining curiosity about your partner can help break this cycle.

• Loss of attraction: This can stem from emotional distance or changes in physical appearance. Rebuilding emotional intimacy can reignite attraction.

• Porn addiction: Excessive pornography can lead to unrealistic expectations and diminished real-life intimacy. Open conversations and boundary-setting are essential here.

• Unresolved relationship problems: Unaddressed conflicts can create emotional distance. Prioritizing communication and working through issues help to rekindle passion.

Sex therapy can be incredibly beneficial for long-term couples seeking to rediscover their spark. A therapist can provide personalized guidance, helping partners navigate challenges and rebuild intimacy.

If sexual dysfunction becomes an issue, it's essential to seek medical advice. Simple lifestyle adjustments, such as pelvic floor exercises like Kegels, can also be beneficial — especially for women post-menopause. These exercises strengthen the muscles that support sexual health, leading to improved experiences and reduced discomfort.

Remember, overcoming challenges requires teamwork, patience, and openness to new approaches. With consistent effort, it's possible to transform your sex life and strengthen your relationship in the process.

Four steps to improve your sex life

Improving your sex life doesn't require a complete overhaul; sometimes, small, intentional changes can make a world of difference. This section will explore four powerful strategies backed by expert insights to help you enhance your connection, reignite passion, and overcome common challenges. These strategies are designed to be practical and easy to implement, empowering you to take meaningful steps toward a more satisfying and intimate relationship.

Step 1: Communicate your desires and boundaries

Let's talk about communication — because it's the foundation of a healthy sex life. Research shows that sexual communication is one of the top predictors of long-term sexual satisfaction.

One of my favorite methods for improving sexual communication is called PEVIS:

1. Positivity: Start by telling your partner what you love about your current sex life.

2. Explore Views: Ask your partner what they would like to try.

3. Vulnerability: Share your reasons for wanting to explore a new activity.

4. I Language: Frame feedback positively, "I feel pleasure when...," rather than using blame.

5. Solution: Suggest a plan for trying new things.

Improving your sexual self-esteem can also enhance intimacy. People with low sexual self-esteem often struggle to enjoy sex due to barriers like body image issues, past trauma, or misguided beliefs. Techniques like couple's sexual meditation, positive sexual affirmations, and consuming sex-positive content together can help.

Creating a safe space for vulnerability allows couples to connect on a deeper level. To improve your communication skills, I highly recommend the summary of 'Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Transform Your Love Life' on the Headway app to see if the full version is for you.

Step 2: Enhance physical health for sexual satisfaction

Your physical health directly impacts your sexual satisfaction, playing a key role in your overall sense of vitality and desire. Sexual stamina depends mainly on how well you care for your body.

Thankfully, there are practical lifestyle changes that can make a big difference:

• Exercise regularly to improve blood flow, boost stamina, and enhance overall well-being.

• Manage stress through mindfulness, meditation, or relaxation techniques that calm the mind and body.

• Eat a balanced diet rich in nutrients that support hormonal health and sexual function.

Remember, the body is all connected! High stress levels can decrease libido, while poor sleep affects hormonal balance, impacting both desire and performance. Prioritizing your physical health doesn't just benefit your body — it directly contributes to a more satisfying sex life.

Step 3: Explore new techniques

While intimacy can become routine over time, it doesn't have to stay that way. Adding variety to your sex life can reignite passion and excitement. Exploring new activities like oral sex can deepen intimacy and provide new ways to connect physically and emotionally.

Here are 10 sex tips to spice up your sex life:

1. Foreplay is key: Long-term couples often rush to penetration, but spending more time on foreplay can reignite passion.

2. Use lubrication: Vaginal dryness can occur with age, and lube can enhance pleasure for both partners.

3. Practice masturbation: Self-pleasure remains essential for maintaining sexual vitality.

4. Incorporate sex toys: Vibrators focusing on sensitive areas, like the clitoris, can enhance sexual pleasure.

1. Consider supplements: Options like maca root, ashwagandha, and ginseng can help maintain sexual function.

2. Vary positions: New positions can make sex more exciting. Experimenting with different sex positions can bring novelty and help couples discover what feels most comfortable and pleasurable.

3. Try new activities: Whether it's intimate meditation or sensual food play, novelty keeps the connection fresh.

4. Cuddle nude: Skin-to-skin cuddling sessions release oxytocin, promoting bonding and emotional connection.

5. Share fantasies: Start with vanilla desires and progress as comfort grows. Sharing sexual fantasies with your partner can build trust and open new avenues for exploration.

6. Talk dirty: Simple phrases expressing appreciation for your partner's body, like "I love your naked body," can bring novelty to the bedroom.

Always remember to ensure both partners feel comfortable by discussing boundaries before trying these tips.

Explore Headway's relationship-focused summaries for more insights and actionable tips. I highly recommend checking out Gary Chapman's 'The Five Love Languages,' which offers practical advice on deepening emotional connections and creating lasting intimacy.

Beyond the physical aspects of intimacy, strengthening the emotional bond you share with your partner is equally important. After all, emotional intimacy is the foundation of a fulfilling relationship, creating a sense of security, trust, and connection that enhances your experiences in and out of the bedroom.

Let's explore how to deepen this connection.

Step 4: Build emotional intimacy for a deeper connection

Sex isn't just about physical connection — it's also about building emotional intimacy. The deeper the emotional bond between partners, the more satisfying and fulfilling your sexual experiences can become.

So, how can you nurture emotional intimacy? It starts with small, intentional actions that help you feel more connected to your partner:

• Spend quality time together doing activities you both enjoy, whether walking in the park, cooking a meal, or simply having a heartfelt conversation without distractions.

• Practice gratitude by expressing appreciation for the little things your partner does. A simple "thank you" can go a long way in making someone feel valued and loved.

• Create a habit of daily adoration. My husband and I do this every morning — we each say one thing we love about each other. This small act has strengthened both our emotional and sexual intimacy by reminding us of our mutual appreciation and love.

If you've noticed a drop in your sex drive within a long-term relationship, understand that it's often a result of boredom and predictability creeping in. But here's the good news: you have the power to change that. You can reignite that spark by being proactive and intentional in maintaining emotional wellness.

However, even the best relationships face challenges from time to time. Let's take a closer look at some common obstacles couples encounter and how to overcome them to maintain a thriving, passionate connection.

My go-to techniques to improve sexual intimacy and pleasure

When asked what my tried-and-proved techniques are to improve intimacy and, as a result, sex life, I usually give the following advice:

Focus on the relationship's well-being. Great sex isn't just about what happens in the bedroom. I'm having the best sex of my life now, in my late 30s, because my husband and I have a fantastic relationship.

Here are three techniques that have improved my relationship's sexual intimacy and pleasure:

1. First, we do what I call monthly "sexy check-ins" to discuss our sex life. During these, I ask three questions: How would you rate our sex life last month from 1-10? What makes you give that rating? What can we do together to improve this score? This approach has helped us stay aligned and keep our sex life satisfying.

2. My second technique is the "sex jar." We put 30 different activities on paper slips in a jar, then pick one each week. It brings fun and spontaneity to our marriage — sometimes, it's a new position or location, so you've got to be flexible!

3. Finally, we practice daily adoration. Every morning, we intentionally share one thing we love about each other. This practice has helped us have high sexual intimacy and emotional connection. If you want to learn more, check out the summary of Relationship Goals on the Headway App.

These techniques can help you get closer to your partner and allow you to have a better sex life.

As we navigate different life stages, such as menopause, exploring how to adapt and continue to enhance our intimate connections is essential. Let's delve into some practical ways to have better sex after menopause.

How to have better sex after menopause

After menopause, many women might experience side effects, such as painful sex and vaginal dryness, due to changes in genital sensitivity and lubrication. Using lubrication is going to alleviate pain and help make sex more comfortable. Kegel exercises are also great because it's pelvic floor training for better sex. Also, another great addition to your sex life is a good clitoral vibrator to improve sensitivity.

Tools and resources to further deepen your intimacy

Continuous learning is essential for improving your sex life. Apps like Headway offer book summaries on sexual wellness, communication, and relationship-building strategies.

Headway can support your sexual wellness by helping you:

• Understand sexual health better.

• Learn new communication strategies.

• Explore ways to strengthen intimacy.

Download the Headway app and explore summaries that can transform your intimate life.

Explore key insights from expert books on sex wellness with Headway.

Ready to transform your intimate life? Dive into Headway's curated book summaries, which provide actionable advice and proven strategies to enhance your sexual wellness and relationships. Whether you're looking to improve communication, overcome challenges, or reignite passion, Headway's resources are your guide to a more connected and fulfilling partnership. Download the app today and take the first step toward deeper intimacy.

Improving your sex life requires a holistic approach that combines physical health, emotional intimacy, and effective communication. There's no one-size-fits-all solution. It's about understanding your and your partner's needs and being proactive in maintaining intimacy.

If you're ready to learn more, explore Headway's book summaries on sexual wellness and relationship-building tips. Let's make your intimate life more fulfilling, connected, and satisfying.